tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15507822944452688972024-02-20T19:46:34.495+00:00Airline Confidential“If God had meant man to fly he’d have given us tickets.”Richard Havershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15309594787689405779noreply@blogger.comBlogger406125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-22270999666270415642009-01-21T08:06:00.003+00:002009-01-21T08:09:49.347+00:00Inflight Confidential BlogWe've changed our name and moved our blog to <a href="http://inflightconfidential.blogspot.com/">Inflight Confidential</a>. A revised and updated paperback version of the book is coming out in March 2009.<br /><br />Why not come over to our new site to see the latest from the weird and wonderful world of air travel.Richard Havershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15309594787689405779noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-77637469589370928592008-10-29T21:05:00.000+00:002008-10-29T21:06:11.685+00:00RyanAir Boss Demonstrates People Handling SkillsOur perennial favourite Michael O’Leary, head of RyanAir, has been at it again. Never a man to be fazed by a situation or lost for words, he handled the appearance of a semi-naked man with ‘Exposing O’Leary’s Lies’ scrawled over his torso at the airline’s AGM with characteristic aplomb.<br /><br />After being confronted by the environmental protestor at the meeting and ushering him from the stage personally, Mr. O’Leary released a statement: “I hope next year instead of a semi-naked bloke, they’ll send a semi-naked girl to the AGM. She would probably make as little sense as this guy this morning, but at least she’d be more attractive.”Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-35795802945010971352008-10-29T21:04:00.002+00:002008-10-29T21:05:31.972+00:00Joke Goes Down a BombEveryone who has felt the urge to make some wisecracks about bombs on planes, and there are no doubt many of us who would like to make light of the serious security procedures in place at airports, take note of the plight of one passenger flying into Dubai on Emirates in July -08. Thirtyseven year old Briton Mark Winterbottom thought it would be a giggle to claim that ‘The bomb will go off in seven minutes’ and press buttons frantically on his mobile. Sadly for him nobody else got the joke and a full scale security event broke out, leaving him jailed for four months.<br /><br />Claiming he was drunk at the time and only acting in self-defence, rather than assaulting crew and passengers while being restrained, Winterbottom did admit to the prank but said he couldn’t remember doing it. Not much of a defence, especially in a Muslim country, against charges of endangering the aircraft, assault and drunkenness. So if you must crack some terrorist gags on a flight, don’t expect anyone else to see the funny side.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-42835127616310725572008-10-29T21:04:00.001+00:002008-10-29T21:04:54.016+00:00Equal OpportunitiesChapter One of the book on workplace non-discrimination probably begins with ‘Don’t bring sexual orientation into it.’ Sadly a senior manager at BA hadn’t read it when she told a gay cabin crew manager who complained about harassment he was being a “drama queen” and went on to clarify “You know what I mean, your lot over dramatise everything.” <br /><br />This obviously didn’t go down with the employee David Andersson-Wood, who had worked for BA 19 years, and ended up at a tribunal. He had earlier tried twice to secure equal pay to his peers, and allegedly been told by HR “If you want to achieve a market level of pay, go and work for a pharmaceutical company.” Text book stuff….Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-85486366450032759672008-10-29T21:03:00.000+00:002008-10-29T21:04:20.942+00:00Cover-Up Exposes Naked AmbitionIn an episode which has gripped South America the facts could simply not be made up; if it was fiction it would be dismissed as too implausible. On 4th August 2007 an Argentinian airport security officer, Maria del Lujan Telpuk, stopped asked a Venezuelan-American businessman, Guido Alejandro Antonini Wilson, about the contents of his case. He had just disembarked from a flight chartered by Venezuela’s state oil company, PDVSA, to Buenos Aires. <br /><br />The 28 year old security agent became suspicious when the man first said “books” then “just some papers” and then became very agitated when she asked him to open the case. It was stuffed to bursting with $50 bills. In a case being heard in the Florida courts prosecutors allege that the money was a clandestine payment from Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez to aid the election campaign of Cristina Kirchner. Both leaders have dismissed the allegation as an attempt by the US Government to smear two administrations which seek to break the ‘gringo hegemony’ in South America. The details of the case do not really concern us, but the airport security agent certainly does.<br /><br />So what happens to the girl at the centre of what has been dubbed ‘Maletagate’ (maleta is Spanish for 'bag‘)? Well, she resigns from her job, gets breast augmentation surgery and becomes a cover girl for several magazines, most notably the Argentinian edition of Playboy, in which she appears naked with a suitcase under the headline ‘Corruption Laid Bare’. She’s also forging a career on TV and learning to ice skate for the show ‘Skating for a Dream’. Her busy schedule was interrupted for her testimony in court, but she was soon back on the ice. A far cry from the ‘Nothing to Declare’ aisle.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-13470208444808866332008-10-29T21:02:00.000+00:002008-10-29T21:03:09.639+00:00Air PistolNotorious punk icon and Sex Pistol’s bass player Sid Vicious had a short and dramatic life, the sort which would test even the most loving mother’s patience. Not so Anne Beverley. She has been accused of supplying the heroin which killed him, which may or may not be true, but she also seems she may have let him down after death. <br /><br />While the official line is that his ashes were scattered on his girlfriend Nancy Spungen’s grave in Philadelphia, witnesses maintain that Beverley dropped the urn at Heathrow, smashing it and sending the contents into the airport’s ventilation system. <br /><br />Smells like teen spirit?Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-62320851619040141802008-10-29T21:00:00.000+00:002008-10-29T21:01:58.114+00:00Night NightIt sounds like a scene in the spoof movie ‘Airplane’ but it’s true; both pilots were sound asleep as their plane should have been descending and preparing to land at Hawaii’s Big Island. <br /><br />Go! Airlines flight 1002 carried on cruising at 21,000’ in early 2008 as it came overhead Hilo airport, prompting frantic attempts by air traffic controllers to contact the flight crew. The plane was 15 miles beyond its destination by the time the snoozing pair were raised. <br /><br />The Captain Scott Oltman and First Officer Dillon Shipley were suspended for 60 and 45 days respectively by the FAA for reckless operation of an aircraft after their ill-timed nap in February. Both were fired by the airline. <br /><br />The possibility that carbon monoxide had leaked into the cockpit causing the crew to lose consciousness was investigated and no evidence was found. Still, a bit odd for both the pass out at 9am. Most importantly, the plane was safely landed after its short detour.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-29543083052145625342008-10-29T20:59:00.000+00:002008-10-29T21:00:48.847+00:00Boy's OwnIndian entrepreneur Vijay Mallya has expanded his empire to include international air travel. The flamboyant soul, who is known as ‘India’s Richard Branson’, is the founder and chairman of the fast-growing domestic Kingfisher Airlines. Undaunted by the competition he has launched a service linking Bangalore, India’s IT hub, with Heathrow. He is confident that the Kingfisher product will compare favourably with the alternative from BA; “We offer an infinitely better service. We are the Harrods of the sky.” More specifically the flamboyant, jewelled and sunglassed Mr Mallya will personally select the stewardesses, and is confident that they will be “much prettier than BA’s.” His selection criteria include “…height, figure, command of English, manner and style of speaking.” <br /><br />Not relying solely on the looks of cabin staff to attract business, the airline boasts other attractions. “My Kingfisher First cabin is a truly first-class product but it’s at BA’s business-class prices. We have 180degree flat beds, 350 hours of in-flight entertainment as well as live TV. We also have a stand-up bar and lounge.”<br /><br />Undaunted by the reports of malaise affecting the global airline industry in the post-crunch era, Mr Mallya didn’t amass a vast fortune (he owns United Breweries, which produces such brands as Kingfisher and Whyte & Mackay) by taking silly chances. Commenting on the BA ‘s observation that airlines face “the worst trading environment ever” he said “Willie Walsh talked about trading conditions facing BA. We should not confuse these generalised comments with the Indian opportunity. International air traffic in and out of India is growing at between 16% and 20% per annum. Even now economic growth in India was 7.8% in the last quarter. We have a middle class of 300m people. Three years ago, there were 14,000 sterling millionaires. Now there are 200,000.” Despite this 70% of international air traffic in and out of India is controlled by foreign carriers. <br /><br />Mr Mallya expects to lose £100m this year on the airline venture, but it would be unwise to dismiss him; the Kingfisher airline only started 3 years ago and already dominates the Indian market with its fleet of 91 aircraft serving 465 domestic routes. Further international development is in the pipeline, with service planned to San Francisco and Heathrow-Mumbai. Despite his brash exterior Mr. Mallya has a rare cautious side; while he is prepared to take on BA, Virgin and Air India, and owns the Indian formula-one team, he does not plan to buy an English football club. “I hang my hat on the Indian growth story which I understand perfectly well. I don’t want to come here and be stupid and try to take on the world because I know I’ll be the first one to come to grief. You cut your coat to suit your cloth.”. Watch this space….Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-60791477716697170042008-10-29T20:58:00.000+00:002008-10-29T20:59:28.483+00:00Airport HiltonFed up with unscheduled nights in an airport hotel? Outraged by the rates charged by second rate accommodation for a few hours bad sleep before boarding the early flight? Help is at hand. The innovative souls at MiniMotel have come up with a solution; a folding bedroom which you keep in your luggage just in case.<br /><br />Like a miniature tent, the Mini Motel provides private accommodation for one (or two close friends) and includes a pillow, air mattress, alarm clock and a reading light. Once zipped into the fifty dollar miracle you’re in a world of your own and can enjoy a nights rest (potentially) on the floor of the departure area before packing the whole thing away and boarding your next flight as fresh as a daisy. Check out www.minimotel.net if it sounds like your cup of tea (no kettle included).Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-78053228846885170162008-10-29T20:56:00.001+00:002008-10-29T20:58:17.150+00:00As the Crow FliesIt might at first glance sound a bit obvious, but the fact that The International Air Transport Association (IATA) is working on moves to make flights straighter and quicker is the product of considerable effort. The fuel-saving measures could make European routes a few minutes shorter and take over fifteen off a London to New York flight. Airlines are desperate to cut their fuel bills as they are pinched by the twin forces of increased oil prices and falling passenger numbers. <br /><br />Traditionally airline routes have to skirt around patches of airspace reserved for military use. Under the proposed arrangements civilian air traffic will be permitted to share airspace with military aircraft, allowing more direct flying. The average European airline flight is 30 miles longer than strictly necessary in order to steer clear of military zones. France is a good case in point with four separate military areas. It is estimated that 5% of the total airspace in Europe is restricted in the way at certain times. <br /><br />Aside from these efforts, on which negotiations continue, airlines are working to cut costs in other ways. BA has started to carry less tap water to save weight and therefore fuel. No sign of them dropping the boxes of duty-free nonsense that they cart about so far, though.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-10534639751022619702008-10-29T20:54:00.001+00:002008-10-29T20:56:33.912+00:00Excess BaggageEver wondered what happens to your luggage once it vanishes from sight on the conveyor belt at check-in (apart from having the handle ripped off and being sent to some random destination)? <br /><br />One elderly Swedish lady could tell you after she misunderstood the desk agent’s instructions in 2008 at Stockholm airport. Instead of toddling off to the departure area for some light shopping and a cuppa, she jumped onto the baggage belt and disappeared after her case. <br /><br />The system was quickly shut down and she was retrieved, dusted off and continued to board her international flight in the more traditional manner.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-31629129467301770272008-09-19T10:02:00.001+01:002008-09-19T10:02:38.464+01:00The Throb of the EnginesThis just in from a pal in the airline business...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The latest XL related casualty is the closing this morning of....wait for it...Throb Holidays.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Throb specialises in holidays for gay persons...nothing like using a discrete name! At least the passengers had protection (so to speak) through the ATOL scheme.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Throb had of course paid all their money to XL, and now cannot recover those funds. This is the problem with tour operator to tour operator sales. Passenger's remain protected through the bonding scheme, but the tour operator who has paid their money (in this case to XL Leisure, as opposed to the airline) loses it and simply becomes a creditor.</span><br /><br />You couldn't make it up....Richard Havershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15309594787689405779noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-82648165586881205732008-09-18T10:22:00.005+01:002008-09-18T10:46:33.770+01:00Maiden Flight of MercyListeners to the excellent Radcliffe and Maconie show (BBC Radio 2 8pm weekdays) will have heard the following piece of quality radio. For anyone who missed it...<br /><br />"Squat thrusting, parrying, leg-warmer favouring, squaking metal-head and one-time comic novelist Bruce Dickinson broke off from his own holiday at the weekend to help fly home some of the thousands of stranded Brits. <br /><br />The Iron Maiden front-man flew 180 passengers from Kos and another 220 from Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt. Fan Mark Cryer on the Egypt flight said "I think I was the only person on the plane that recognised him." <br /><br />Maybe it was the short hair and pilot's uniform that fooled the less observant folk on board.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-19317775004091695052008-09-18T10:22:00.002+01:002008-09-18T10:26:46.035+01:00Fancy a Flutter?Such was the volume of bets that the on-line bookmaker Paddy Power shut down their book on XL going bust last week hours before the announcement. For those of you who missed the chance of a punt on that one, maybe you'd like to have a go at predicting the next operator to go under...there's some attractive odds being offered today in our view:<br /><br />Alitalia 5 - 4<br />Vueling Airlines 33 - 1<br />BMI 66 - 1<br />Spanair 3 - 1<br />JetBlue 33 - 1<br />Czech Airlines 66 - 1<br />SkyEurope 5 - 1<br />Aer Arann 33 - 1<br />Aer Lingus 66 - 1<br />FlyGlobespan 5 - 1<br />Malev 33 - 1<br />Qantas 80 - 1<br />Air Berlin 7 - 1<br />LOT 40 - 1<br />easyJet 100 - 1<br />Wizz Air 14 - 1<br />Aeroflot 40 - 1<br />BA 100 - 1<br />Thomsonfly 14 - 1<br />Jetstar 40 - 1<br />Air France 100 - 1<br />Jet2 18 - 1<br />Bmibaby 40 - 1<br />Virgin Atlantic 100 - 1<br />Sterling 18 - 1<br />Germanwings 50 - 1<br />Ryanair 100 - 1<br />United Airlines 25 - 1<br />Air One 50 - 1<br />Lufthansa 100 - 1<br />Scandinavian airlines 28 - 1<br />Flybe 50 - 1<br />Vatican Airlines 500 - 1<br />Clickair 33 - 1<br />Monarch 50 - 1<br />Air Force One 1000-1<br /><br />Good luck!Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-50119879535036071172008-09-13T08:52:00.001+01:002008-09-13T08:52:30.704+01:00XL Airways and the Cycle of AviationThe airline business is cyclical, always has been always will be. It's why airlines like Court Line went down in the 70s, Laker in the 80s, Air Europe in 1991… and many others in between.<br />According to what I've been reading on the web the head of XL believes there are dark forces at work, but since the airline industry was deregulated this is what you get because aircraft manufacturers need to sell more and more aircraft. It causes over capacity, which needs a growing or at the very least a stable-ish market to survive. As soon as things start to turn down then the inevitable happens...airlines and tour operators go bust - those that are vertically integrated are especially vulnerable.<br /><br />The fact is that forward bookings are now the biggest issue. Airlines have survived the summer because advance bookings were not affected by the loss of confidence coupled with the realities of the credit crunch. This is not now the case; people are not booking travel like they were. Watch over the coming weeks as we start to get a rash of advertising from easyjet, Ryanair et al as they attempt to buy market share.Richard Havershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15309594787689405779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-10852661528608677102008-09-13T08:51:00.001+01:002008-09-13T08:51:49.983+01:00The BAA in ScotlandThe BAA's results for September are out and they don't make pretty reading, but then again that's far from surprising. Overall in the UK passenger numbers are down by 1.7%; that equates to over a quarter of a million passengers. For Scotland's two main airports the results are much worse; in August there were 50,000 fewer passengers flying through Glasgow and Edinburgh. In fact it looks like the number of passengers using both airports this year will decline by between 450,000 and 500,000 people. Passenger numbers have declined for eight of the last twelve months from the two airports. In fact both Edinburgh and Glasgow could show a reduction in their total number of passengers this year - Glasgow definitely will. Because of the summer bookings being made well before the credit crunch took hold there has been something of a cushion effect on traffic; over the winter there will be no such cushion.<br /><br />Of course the most worrying trend is that how much faster traffic is falling to and from Scottish airports than it is from the other UK airports. As consumer buying power continues to get squeezed this trend could get significantly worse. My money is still on Ryanair introducing a much reduced set of new services come November. These are the ones that have already been delayed from a late September start-up - supposedly because of new aircraft deliveries being held up by a strike at Boeing that started a couple of days before their announcement. In the airline business November is a traditionally dire month to start any new Northern hemisphere services. Even if they do start up there will be some blood-letting as the carriers fight for traffic; six of the eleven new Ryanair routes already have existing service from other airlines.Richard Havershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15309594787689405779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-27877858229066169132008-08-19T11:01:00.002+01:002008-08-19T11:11:24.432+01:00A Breath of (high altitude) Fresh AirTwo British women joined the ranks of the awfully behaved in the air a few weeks ago when they went on a drunken spree aboard an XL Airways Boeing 737. The charter flight from Kos to Manchester was forced to make an emergency landing in Germany where the pair were removed by armed police to the delight of their fellow passengers.<br /><br />The two women were returning from holiday and were already drunk when they boarded. They were refused further service because of their condition, but decided to continue drinking from a bottle of vodka they'd bought at the airport. When the cabin crew asked them to desist, a mini riot broke out as the two women attacked crew members with the vodka bottle and had to be wrestled to the floor and put in restraints. At one point one of the inebriated pair tried to open an emergency exit, screaming 'I want some fresh air'.<br /><br />Panicked passengers were screaming in fear as the melee between the flight attendants and the pair continued, and one witness described it as "...a hell of a scene. The crew were brilliant, wrestling them to the ground and slapping plastic handcuffs on them. We all thought we'd had our chips."<br /><br />After two hours at Frankfurt airport the flight continued to Manchester. Both protagonists have now been repatriated to the UK, but expect to face charges of interference in air traffic and attempted assault; they will also be expected to repay the thousands of pounds of costs associated with the emergency landing. Hopefully a sobering experience.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-7583919688815684952008-08-19T10:55:00.002+01:002008-08-19T11:01:16.660+01:00High as Russian KitesThe police were called by security officers at Manchester airport last week and arrested two Russian pilots as they were about to board an Aeroflot Boeing 767. Their crime? being too drunk to fly. Suspicions were aroused by the strong smell of alcohol and the fact that the two could barely stand up. The only good news was that the aircraft had been flown to Manchester for repairs and was due to return to Moscow without passengers.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-57250843781731836702008-08-19T10:45:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:55:24.366+01:00More On Free AdvertisingWe mentioned Ryan Air's ad campaign featuring unauthorised images of M. Sarkozy and his bride to be Carla Bruni some time ago. After the fur flew over the matter, Michael O'Leary reflected that it wasn't such a bad thing for the airline to lose the court case.<br /><br />"We paid 60,000 euros to their charity but we got more than 5 million euros in of free publicity, so we're happy. I'm available to kiss and make up with Mrs Sarkozy any time she wants."Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-43084652471073528282008-08-19T10:39:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:44:58.613+01:00Emirates Clean Up on A380The news Airbus super-jumbo is a roomy ship, and has inspired many airlines to offer grand accomodation to their passengers. Now Emirates have upped the ante by unveling their first A380's unique feature; on-board showers. So if you're in first class, then after showering and enjoying a cocktail or two you can nip off to your private suite - complete with desk and mini-bar - for the duration. <br /><br />Sadly for the super rich enjoying the service, it's not without limitations. Each user gets five minutes, with a traffic light warning system to keep them up to speed. As Tim Clark, the airline's president, observed "If you're on amber and your hair's full of shampoo, you want to get moving."<br /><br />The cubicle will be cleaned between each customer, and the aircraft will have to carry 500kg of extra water to operate the two showers. They aim to offest this weight by cutting back on magazines.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-7446334864983658602008-08-19T10:37:00.001+01:002008-08-19T10:39:09.346+01:00Green AgendaAnd another one from Michael O'Leary...<br /><br />"Green protestors are our best passengers. They're always flying off to their demonstrations."Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-85581531932381374322008-08-19T10:32:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:37:48.983+01:00Hop On Hop Off TravelAnthony Cheke of Oxford wrote to the Guardian earlier this year to share with the world the origins of his family's pet frog. Inspired by a news story about frogs jumping out of imported bags of salad, he was moved to recount a tale from 2000. Waiting for their luggage at the airport baggage carousel, he spotted a tree frog riding around the belt on a suitcase. <br /><br />The hapless amphibian was knocked off the case by the rubber flaps at the end of the public claim area, and landed in the island in the centre of the zone. To his children's embarrassment, but the frog's eternal gratitude, Mr. Cheke jumped over the revolving bags and rescued it. They took it home and nursed it back from starvation and dehydration, and it's still in good health living in their conservatory. Of course, they called it 'Gatwick'.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-46796575160264175372008-08-19T10:24:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:32:10.270+01:00Falling at the FirstThe National Air Traffic Service's plans for a new aircraft stacking area over Newmarket have come in for some strong opposition from an unlikely source; horses. The location of the proposed holding zone, in which aircraft will circle at the relatively low level of about 4,000', is right above the hub of Britain's horse racing industry. <br /><br />The owners and breeders involved in the multi million pound business fear that the distress caused by the planes to foals and mares will be a major problem, potentially causing some of the world's richest stud owners to relocate outside Britain, and threatening many of the 7,000 people who work in the industry with redundancy.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-3743720255324865612008-08-19T10:20:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:24:47.050+01:00Clarkson's CurseTop Gear presenter and generally outspoken bloke Jeremy Clarkson turned his acerbic wit on a hapless pilot a few years ago. We thought it was worth recording here for use as a template next time you find your flight delayed by the flight crew arriving late...<br /><br />"I sincerely hope you have a penchant for Thai ladyboys and that your colleagues find out. It is my fervent wish that from now to the end of time your itches are unreachable. And that someone writes something obscene in weedkiller of your front lawn."Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1550782294445268897.post-81284214910237615092008-08-19T10:08:00.002+01:002008-08-19T10:20:56.062+01:00Boy's OwnOur favourite quote machine Michael O'Leary, boisterous boss of Ryanair, was recently the subject of an anthology of his verbal pearls. Here for your delight we repeat them:<br /><br />On tourism...<br />"I don't give a toss where people want to go. I'm in the business of creating a market for people to go where they have never heard of."<br /><br />On Security...<br />"You don't see the government confiscating lipsticks and gel-filled bras on the London Underground. Most of them couldn't identify a gel-filled bra if it jumped up and bit them."<br /><br />On Low Fares...<br />"Germans would crawl bollock naked over broken glass for them."<br /><br />On the Threats to Ryanair...<br />"Nuclear war in Europe, a major accident, or believing our own bullshit."<br /><br />On Travel Agents...<br />"Take the fuckers out and shoot them."<br /><br />On Flying...<br />"I'm not a cloud bunny. I am not an aerosexual. I don't like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot like those other goons who populate the air industry."<br /><br />On What Motivates him...<br />"I would have murdered, I would have gone through concrete walls to make money."<br /><br />Remebering the time he ran a newsagents and opened it on Christmas Day to sell batteries and chocolates a treble the normal price...<br />"I never had a sexual experience in my life like it."<br /><br />On BA's starting up 'Go'...<br />"They must be smoking too much dope."<br /><br />The best way to settle his differences with Aer Rianta...<br />"With Semtex, preferably during a board meeting."<br /><br />Regarding the possibility of trans-Atlantic service by Ryanair...<br />"In economy no frills, in business class it'ss all be free - including the blowjobs."<br /><br />On his wedding day, asked if the bride would be late...<br />"Yes, she's flying Aer Lingus."<br /><br />On fatherhood...<br />"I'm taking the Ryanair approach - subcontracting everything."<br /><br />On himself...<br />"I'm probably just an abnoxious little bollocks. Who cares?"<br /><br />On the economy...<br />"We would welcome a good, deep, bloody recession for 12 to 18 months. We need one if we are going to see off some of this environmental nonsense."<br /><br />On his intentions after Ryanair...<br />"Making the world a better place - by taking a vow of silence."<br /><br />May the last one never come to pass.Christopher Tiffneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07942936795494238611noreply@blogger.com0