Airline Confidential

Inflight Confidential Blog

2009-01-21T08:06:00.003Z

We've changed our name and moved our blog to Inflight Confidential. A revised and updated paperback version of the book is coming out in March 2009.

Why not come over to our new site to see the latest from the weird and wonderful world of air travel.

RyanAir Boss Demonstrates People Handling Skills

2008-10-29T21:05:00.000Z

Our perennial favourite Michael O’Leary, head of RyanAir, has been at it again. Never a man to be fazed by a situation or lost for words, he handled the appearance of a semi-naked man with ‘Exposing O’Leary’s Lies’ scrawled over his torso at the airline’s AGM with characteristic aplomb.

After being confronted by the environmental protestor at the meeting and ushering him from the stage personally, Mr. O’Leary released a statement: “I hope next year instead of a semi-naked bloke, they’ll send a semi-naked girl to the AGM. She would probably make as little sense as this guy this morning, but at least she’d be more attractive.”

Joke Goes Down a Bomb

2008-10-29T21:04:00.002Z

Everyone who has felt the urge to make some wisecracks about bombs on planes, and there are no doubt many of us who would like to make light of the serious security procedures in place at airports, take note of the plight of one passenger flying into Dubai on Emirates in July -08. Thirtyseven year old Briton Mark Winterbottom thought it would be a giggle to claim that ‘The bomb will go off in seven minutes’ and press buttons frantically on his mobile. Sadly for him nobody else got the joke and a full scale security event broke out, leaving him jailed for four months.

Claiming he was drunk at the time and only acting in self-defence, rather than assaulting crew and passengers while being restrained, Winterbottom did admit to the prank but said he couldn’t remember doing it. Not much of a defence, especially in a Muslim country, against charges of endangering the aircraft, assault and drunkenness. So if you must crack some terrorist gags on a flight, don’t expect anyone else to see the funny side.

Equal Opportunities

2008-10-29T21:04:00.001Z

Chapter One of the book on workplace non-discrimination probably begins with ‘Don’t bring sexual orientation into it.’ Sadly a senior manager at BA hadn’t read it when she told a gay cabin crew manager who complained about harassment he was being a “drama queen” and went on to clarify “You know what I mean, your lot over dramatise everything.”

This obviously didn’t go down with the employee David Andersson-Wood, who had worked for BA 19 years, and ended up at a tribunal. He had earlier tried twice to secure equal pay to his peers, and allegedly been told by HR “If you want to achieve a market level of pay, go and work for a pharmaceutical company.” Text book stuff….

Cover-Up Exposes Naked Ambition

2008-10-29T21:03:00.000Z

In an episode which has gripped South America the facts could simply not be made up; if it was fiction it would be dismissed as too implausible. On 4th August 2007 an Argentinian airport security officer, Maria del Lujan Telpuk, stopped asked a Venezuelan-American businessman, Guido Alejandro Antonini Wilson, about the contents of his case. He had just disembarked from a flight chartered by Venezuela’s state oil company, PDVSA, to Buenos Aires.

The 28 year old security agent became suspicious when the man first said “books” then “just some papers” and then became very agitated when she asked him to open the case. It was stuffed to bursting with $50 bills. In a case being heard in the Florida courts prosecutors allege that the money was a clandestine payment from Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez to aid the election campaign of Cristina Kirchner. Both leaders have dismissed the allegation as an attempt by the US Government to smear two administrations which seek to break the ‘gringo hegemony’ in South America. The details of the case do not really concern us, but the airport security agent certainly does.

So what happens to the girl at the centre of what has been dubbed ‘Maletagate’ (maleta is Spanish for 'bag‘)? Well, she resigns from her job, gets breast augmentation surgery and becomes a cover girl for several magazines, most notably the Argentinian edition of Playboy, in which she appears naked with a suitcase under the headline ‘Corruption Laid Bare’. She’s also forging a career on TV and learning to ice skate for the show ‘Skating for a Dream’. Her busy schedule was interrupted for her testimony in court, but she was soon back on the ice. A far cry from the ‘Nothing to Declare’ aisle.

Air Pistol

2008-10-29T21:02:00.000Z

Notorious punk icon and Sex Pistol’s bass player Sid Vicious had a short and dramatic life, the sort which would test even the most loving mother’s patience. Not so Anne Beverley. She has been accused of supplying the heroin which killed him, which may or may not be true, but she also seems she may have let him down after death.

While the official line is that his ashes were scattered on his girlfriend Nancy Spungen’s grave in Philadelphia, witnesses maintain that Beverley dropped the urn at Heathrow, smashing it and sending the contents into the airport’s ventilation system.

Smells like teen spirit?

Night Night

2008-10-29T21:00:00.000Z

It sounds like a scene in the spoof movie ‘Airplane’ but it’s true; both pilots were sound asleep as their plane should have been descending and preparing to land at Hawaii’s Big Island.

Go! Airlines flight 1002 carried on cruising at 21,000’ in early 2008 as it came overhead Hilo airport, prompting frantic attempts by air traffic controllers to contact the flight crew. The plane was 15 miles beyond its destination by the time the snoozing pair were raised.

The Captain Scott Oltman and First Officer Dillon Shipley were suspended for 60 and 45 days respectively by the FAA for reckless operation of an aircraft after their ill-timed nap in February. Both were fired by the airline.

The possibility that carbon monoxide had leaked into the cockpit causing the crew to lose consciousness was investigated and no evidence was found. Still, a bit odd for both the pass out at 9am. Most importantly, the plane was safely landed after its short detour.

Boy's Own

2008-10-29T20:59:00.000Z

Indian entrepreneur Vijay Mallya has expanded his empire to include international air travel. The flamboyant soul, who is known as ‘India’s Richard Branson’, is the founder and chairman of the fast-growing domestic Kingfisher Airlines. Undaunted by the competition he has launched a service linking Bangalore, India’s IT hub, with Heathrow. He is confident that the Kingfisher product will compare favourably with the alternative from BA; “We offer an infinitely better service. We are the Harrods of the sky.” More specifically the flamboyant, jewelled and sunglassed Mr Mallya will personally select the stewardesses, and is confident that they will be “much prettier than BA’s.” His selection criteria include “…height, figure, command of English, manner and style of speaking.”

Not relying solely on the looks of cabin staff to attract business, the airline boasts other attractions. “My Kingfisher First cabin is a truly first-class product but it’s at BA’s business-class prices. We have 180degree flat beds, 350 hours of in-flight entertainment as well as live TV. We also have a stand-up bar and lounge.”

Undaunted by the reports of malaise affecting the global airline industry in the post-crunch era, Mr Mallya didn’t amass a vast fortune (he owns United Breweries, which produces such brands as Kingfisher and Whyte & Mackay) by taking silly chances. Commenting on the BA ‘s observation that airlines face “the worst trading environment ever” he said “Willie Walsh talked about trading conditions facing BA. We should not confuse these generalised comments with the Indian opportunity. International air traffic in and out of India is growing at between 16% and 20% per annum. Even now economic growth in India was 7.8% in the last quarter. We have a middle class of 300m people. Three years ago, there were 14,000 sterling millionaires. Now there are 200,000.” Despite this 70% of international air traffic in and out of India is controlled by foreign carriers.

Mr Mallya expects to lose £100m this year on the airline venture, but it would be unwise to dismiss him; the Kingfisher airline only started 3 years ago and already dominates the Indian market with its fleet of 91 aircraft serving 465 domestic routes. Further international development is in the pipeline, with service planned to San Francisco and Heathrow-Mumbai. Despite his brash exterior Mr. Mallya has a rare cautious side; while he is prepared to take on BA, Virgin and Air India, and owns the Indian formula-one team, he does not plan to buy an English football club. “I hang my hat on the Indian growth story which I understand perfectly well. I don’t want to come here and be stupid and try to take on the world because I know I’ll be the first one to come to grief. You cut your coat to suit your cloth.”. Watch this space….

Airport Hilton

2008-10-29T20:58:00.000Z

Fed up with unscheduled nights in an airport hotel? Outraged by the rates charged by second rate accommodation for a few hours bad sleep before boarding the early flight? Help is at hand. The innovative souls at MiniMotel have come up with a solution; a folding bedroom which you keep in your luggage just in case.

Like a miniature tent, the Mini Motel provides private accommodation for one (or two close friends) and includes a pillow, air mattress, alarm clock and a reading light. Once zipped into the fifty dollar miracle you’re in a world of your own and can enjoy a nights rest (potentially) on the floor of the departure area before packing the whole thing away and boarding your next flight as fresh as a daisy. Check out www.minimotel.net if it sounds like your cup of tea (no kettle included).

As the Crow Flies

2008-10-29T20:56:00.001Z

It might at first glance sound a bit obvious, but the fact that The International Air Transport Association (IATA) is working on moves to make flights straighter and quicker is the product of considerable effort. The fuel-saving measures could make European routes a few minutes shorter and take over fifteen off a London to New York flight. Airlines are desperate to cut their fuel bills as they are pinched by the twin forces of increased oil prices and falling passenger numbers.

Traditionally airline routes have to skirt around patches of airspace reserved for military use. Under the proposed arrangements civilian air traffic will be permitted to share airspace with military aircraft, allowing more direct flying. The average European airline flight is 30 miles longer than strictly necessary in order to steer clear of military zones. France is a good case in point with four separate military areas. It is estimated that 5% of the total airspace in Europe is restricted in the way at certain times.

Aside from these efforts, on which negotiations continue, airlines are working to cut costs in other ways. BA has started to carry less tap water to save weight and therefore fuel. No sign of them dropping the boxes of duty-free nonsense that they cart about so far, though.

Excess Baggage

2008-10-29T20:54:00.001Z

Ever wondered what happens to your luggage once it vanishes from sight on the conveyor belt at check-in (apart from having the handle ripped off and being sent to some random destination)?

One elderly Swedish lady could tell you after she misunderstood the desk agent’s instructions in 2008 at Stockholm airport. Instead of toddling off to the departure area for some light shopping and a cuppa, she jumped onto the baggage belt and disappeared after her case.

The system was quickly shut down and she was retrieved, dusted off and continued to board her international flight in the more traditional manner.

The Throb of the Engines

2008-09-19T10:02:00.001+01:00

This just in from a pal in the airline business...

The latest XL related casualty is the closing this morning of....wait for it...Throb Holidays.

Throb specialises in holidays for gay persons...nothing like using a discrete name! At least the passengers had protection (so to speak) through the ATOL scheme.

Throb had of course paid all their money to XL, and now cannot recover those funds. This is the problem with tour operator to tour operator sales. Passenger's remain protected through the bonding scheme, but the tour operator who has paid their money (in this case to XL Leisure, as opposed to the airline) loses it and simply becomes a creditor.

You couldn't make it up....

Maiden Flight of Mercy

2008-09-18T10:22:00.005+01:00

Listeners to the excellent Radcliffe and Maconie show (BBC Radio 2 8pm weekdays) will have heard the following piece of quality radio. For anyone who missed it...

"Squat thrusting, parrying, leg-warmer favouring, squaking metal-head and one-time comic novelist Bruce Dickinson broke off from his own holiday at the weekend to help fly home some of the thousands of stranded Brits.

The Iron Maiden front-man flew 180 passengers from Kos and another 220 from Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt. Fan Mark Cryer on the Egypt flight said "I think I was the only person on the plane that recognised him."

Maybe it was the short hair and pilot's uniform that fooled the less observant folk on board.

Fancy a Flutter?

2008-09-18T10:22:00.002+01:00

Such was the volume of bets that the on-line bookmaker Paddy Power shut down their book on XL going bust last week hours before the announcement. For those of you who missed the chance of a punt on that one, maybe you'd like to have a go at predicting the next operator to go under...there's some attractive odds being offered today in our view:

Alitalia 5 - 4
Vueling Airlines 33 - 1
BMI 66 - 1
Spanair 3 - 1
JetBlue 33 - 1
Czech Airlines 66 - 1
SkyEurope 5 - 1
Aer Arann 33 - 1
Aer Lingus 66 - 1
FlyGlobespan 5 - 1
Malev 33 - 1
Qantas 80 - 1
Air Berlin 7 - 1
LOT 40 - 1
easyJet 100 - 1
Wizz Air 14 - 1
Aeroflot 40 - 1
BA 100 - 1
Thomsonfly 14 - 1
Jetstar 40 - 1
Air France 100 - 1
Jet2 18 - 1
Bmibaby 40 - 1
Virgin Atlantic 100 - 1
Sterling 18 - 1
Germanwings 50 - 1
Ryanair 100 - 1
United Airlines 25 - 1
Air One 50 - 1
Lufthansa 100 - 1
Scandinavian airlines 28 - 1
Flybe 50 - 1
Vatican Airlines 500 - 1
Clickair 33 - 1
Monarch 50 - 1
Air Force One 1000-1

Good luck!

XL Airways and the Cycle of Aviation

2008-09-13T08:52:00.001+01:00

The airline business is cyclical, always has been always will be. It's why airlines like Court Line went down in the 70s, Laker in the 80s, Air Europe in 1991… and many others in between.
According to what I've been reading on the web the head of XL believes there are dark forces at work, but since the airline industry was deregulated this is what you get because aircraft manufacturers need to sell more and more aircraft. It causes over capacity, which needs a growing or at the very least a stable-ish market to survive. As soon as things start to turn down then the inevitable happens...airlines and tour operators go bust - those that are vertically integrated are especially vulnerable.

The fact is that forward bookings are now the biggest issue. Airlines have survived the summer because advance bookings were not affected by the loss of confidence coupled with the realities of the credit crunch. This is not now the case; people are not booking travel like they were. Watch over the coming weeks as we start to get a rash of advertising from easyjet, Ryanair et al as they attempt to buy market share.

The BAA in Scotland

2008-09-13T08:51:00.001+01:00

The BAA's results for September are out and they don't make pretty reading, but then again that's far from surprising. Overall in the UK passenger numbers are down by 1.7%; that equates to over a quarter of a million passengers. For Scotland's two main airports the results are much worse; in August there were 50,000 fewer passengers flying through Glasgow and Edinburgh. In fact it looks like the number of passengers using both airports this year will decline by between 450,000 and 500,000 people. Passenger numbers have declined for eight of the last twelve months from the two airports. In fact both Edinburgh and Glasgow could show a reduction in their total number of passengers this year - Glasgow definitely will. Because of the summer bookings being made well before the credit crunch took hold there has been something of a cushion effect on traffic; over the winter there will be no such cushion.

Of course the most worrying trend is that how much faster traffic is falling to and from Scottish airports than it is from the other UK airports. As consumer buying power continues to get squeezed this trend could get significantly worse. My money is still on Ryanair introducing a much reduced set of new services come November. These are the ones that have already been delayed from a late September start-up - supposedly because of new aircraft deliveries being held up by a strike at Boeing that started a couple of days before their announcement. In the airline business November is a traditionally dire month to start any new Northern hemisphere services. Even if they do start up there will be some blood-letting as the carriers fight for traffic; six of the eleven new Ryanair routes already have existing service from other airlines.

A Breath of (high altitude) Fresh Air

2008-08-19T11:01:00.002+01:00

Two British women joined the ranks of the awfully behaved in the air a few weeks ago when they went on a drunken spree aboard an XL Airways Boeing 737. The charter flight from Kos to Manchester was forced to make an emergency landing in Germany where the pair were removed by armed police to the delight of their fellow passengers.

The two women were returning from holiday and were already drunk when they boarded. They were refused further service because of their condition, but decided to continue drinking from a bottle of vodka they'd bought at the airport. When the cabin crew asked them to desist, a mini riot broke out as the two women attacked crew members with the vodka bottle and had to be wrestled to the floor and put in restraints. At one point one of the inebriated pair tried to open an emergency exit, screaming 'I want some fresh air'.

Panicked passengers were screaming in fear as the melee between the flight attendants and the pair continued, and one witness described it as "...a hell of a scene. The crew were brilliant, wrestling them to the ground and slapping plastic handcuffs on them. We all thought we'd had our chips."

After two hours at Frankfurt airport the flight continued to Manchester. Both protagonists have now been repatriated to the UK, but expect to face charges of interference in air traffic and attempted assault; they will also be expected to repay the thousands of pounds of costs associated with the emergency landing. Hopefully a sobering experience.

High as Russian Kites

2008-08-19T10:55:00.002+01:00

The police were called by security officers at Manchester airport last week and arrested two Russian pilots as they were about to board an Aeroflot Boeing 767. Their crime? being too drunk to fly. Suspicions were aroused by the strong smell of alcohol and the fact that the two could barely stand up. The only good news was that the aircraft had been flown to Manchester for repairs and was due to return to Moscow without passengers.

More On Free Advertising

2008-08-19T10:45:00.002+01:00

We mentioned Ryan Air's ad campaign featuring unauthorised images of M. Sarkozy and his bride to be Carla Bruni some time ago. After the fur flew over the matter, Michael O'Leary reflected that it wasn't such a bad thing for the airline to lose the court case.

"We paid 60,000 euros to their charity but we got more than 5 million euros in of free publicity, so we're happy. I'm available to kiss and make up with Mrs Sarkozy any time she wants."

Emirates Clean Up on A380

2008-08-19T10:39:00.002+01:00

The news Airbus super-jumbo is a roomy ship, and has inspired many airlines to offer grand accomodation to their passengers. Now Emirates have upped the ante by unveling their first A380's unique feature; on-board showers. So if you're in first class, then after showering and enjoying a cocktail or two you can nip off to your private suite - complete with desk and mini-bar - for the duration.

Sadly for the super rich enjoying the service, it's not without limitations. Each user gets five minutes, with a traffic light warning system to keep them up to speed. As Tim Clark, the airline's president, observed "If you're on amber and your hair's full of shampoo, you want to get moving."

The cubicle will be cleaned between each customer, and the aircraft will have to carry 500kg of extra water to operate the two showers. They aim to offest this weight by cutting back on magazines.

Green Agenda

2008-08-19T10:37:00.001+01:00

And another one from Michael O'Leary...

"Green protestors are our best passengers. They're always flying off to their demonstrations."

Hop On Hop Off Travel

2008-08-19T10:32:00.002+01:00

Anthony Cheke of Oxford wrote to the Guardian earlier this year to share with the world the origins of his family's pet frog. Inspired by a news story about frogs jumping out of imported bags of salad, he was moved to recount a tale from 2000. Waiting for their luggage at the airport baggage carousel, he spotted a tree frog riding around the belt on a suitcase.

The hapless amphibian was knocked off the case by the rubber flaps at the end of the public claim area, and landed in the island in the centre of the zone. To his children's embarrassment, but the frog's eternal gratitude, Mr. Cheke jumped over the revolving bags and rescued it. They took it home and nursed it back from starvation and dehydration, and it's still in good health living in their conservatory. Of course, they called it 'Gatwick'.

Falling at the First

2008-08-19T10:24:00.002+01:00

The National Air Traffic Service's plans for a new aircraft stacking area over Newmarket have come in for some strong opposition from an unlikely source; horses. The location of the proposed holding zone, in which aircraft will circle at the relatively low level of about 4,000', is right above the hub of Britain's horse racing industry.

The owners and breeders involved in the multi million pound business fear that the distress caused by the planes to foals and mares will be a major problem, potentially causing some of the world's richest stud owners to relocate outside Britain, and threatening many of the 7,000 people who work in the industry with redundancy.

Clarkson's Curse

2008-08-19T10:20:00.002+01:00

Top Gear presenter and generally outspoken bloke Jeremy Clarkson turned his acerbic wit on a hapless pilot a few years ago. We thought it was worth recording here for use as a template next time you find your flight delayed by the flight crew arriving late...

"I sincerely hope you have a penchant for Thai ladyboys and that your colleagues find out. It is my fervent wish that from now to the end of time your itches are unreachable. And that someone writes something obscene in weedkiller of your front lawn."

Boy's Own

2008-08-19T10:08:00.002+01:00

Our favourite quote machine Michael O'Leary, boisterous boss of Ryanair, was recently the subject of an anthology of his verbal pearls. Here for your delight we repeat them:

On tourism...
"I don't give a toss where people want to go. I'm in the business of creating a market for people to go where they have never heard of."

On Security...
"You don't see the government confiscating lipsticks and gel-filled bras on the London Underground. Most of them couldn't identify a gel-filled bra if it jumped up and bit them."

On Low Fares...
"Germans would crawl bollock naked over broken glass for them."

On the Threats to Ryanair...
"Nuclear war in Europe, a major accident, or believing our own bullshit."

On Travel Agents...
"Take the fuckers out and shoot them."

On Flying...
"I'm not a cloud bunny. I am not an aerosexual. I don't like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot like those other goons who populate the air industry."

On What Motivates him...
"I would have murdered, I would have gone through concrete walls to make money."

Remebering the time he ran a newsagents and opened it on Christmas Day to sell batteries and chocolates a treble the normal price...
"I never had a sexual experience in my life like it."

On BA's starting up 'Go'...
"They must be smoking too much dope."

The best way to settle his differences with Aer Rianta...
"With Semtex, preferably during a board meeting."

Regarding the possibility of trans-Atlantic service by Ryanair...
"In economy no frills, in business class it'ss all be free - including the blowjobs."

On his wedding day, asked if the bride would be late...
"Yes, she's flying Aer Lingus."

On fatherhood...
"I'm taking the Ryanair approach - subcontracting everything."

On himself...
"I'm probably just an abnoxious little bollocks. Who cares?"

On the economy...
"We would welcome a good, deep, bloody recession for 12 to 18 months. We need one if we are going to see off some of this environmental nonsense."

On his intentions after Ryanair...
"Making the world a better place - by taking a vow of silence."

May the last one never come to pass.

I'm a (celebrity) Cabin Crew Member

2008-08-19T10:00:00.002+01:00

The wonders of 'reality' (should that be 'unreality?) TV are about to come to the world of airline travel. Next month you'll be able to tune into ITV2 for a dose of "Celebair", which sounds rather like a programme about air crews taking vows of sexual abstainance (like that's ever going to happen) but is in fact the latest torture device for C-list celebrities.

Angelica Bell will host the show which follows the fortunes of the celebs as they train up and then provide in-flight service to members of the paying public on flights from the UK to Menorca, Malaga, Larnaca, Tenerife and Ibiza. You guessed; each week the worst celeb crew member will be dumped (not mid-flight, sadly) until a glorious finale is reached. How long before they give to flight crew's seats to Ant and Dec?

Easyjet Shares Continue to Drop....

2008-07-02T22:22:00.002+01:00

Back in January 2008 we said.....

Would you believe it easyJet's share price is down. Just as we've been predicting for months here at Airline Confidential things are getting tricky. By the close their shares were trading at a shade over 450 pence, well down on the day; last spring they were up around 700 pence. It comes off the back of easyJet announcing their December results. Though passenger numbers increased by 9.9% on the back of new routes, there's been a sharp decline in their load factor (down over 2% points). Over extension some are saying and who are we to disagree. With consumer spending tightening things are only going to get worse. Four days ago easyjet announced their biggest ever sale. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in their forward planning meetings. There are likely to be some people in that company with a lot of egg on their face in nine months time.

Apparently stock market analysts remain cautiously optimistic for the prospects for budget carriers such as Ryanair and easyJet. Now if I was nursing a nett gain on my my Easyjet or Ryanair shares I think I'd take the money and run.

Well today they're down to 246 pence a share....don't say we didn't tell you....

Lost In Transaltion II

2008-06-24T09:32:00.003+01:00

The master has been at it again; our favourite producer of top quotes, head of Ryanair Michael O'Leary, was recently at a conference in Germany.

While commenting on his airline's new trans Atlantic service, which will offer all sorts of extras, he taxed the poor struggling translator with this nugget:

"Surely you have a word for handjobs in German?"

Lost In Translation

2008-05-21T23:58:00.003+01:00

From the in-flight information on Aeroflot's service to the Far East...

"Attention please passengers travelling to Japan. According to new requirements of the Japanese Air Authorities, the conditions of immigration control upon arrival will be changed. Since November 2001 all foreigners will have to leave their fingerprints and be shot while passing immigration control."

On the Heathrow Express

2008-05-01T20:52:00.002+01:00

The rich and famous do love to cause a bit of bother when they travel by air, and Cherie Blair, wife of ex-PM Tony, created a bit of mayhem at Heathrow a few years ago when she forgot her passport and despatched an official to nip back to No.10 and fetch it. Not to be outdone in the forgetfulness stakes, her husband was recently found to be travelling on the Heathrow Express without a valid ticket. Obviously still rather institutionalised from his time as Prime Minister, he discovered that not only did he not have a ticket, he also lacked any cash or cards to buy one with.

It emerged that an aide had given him the money for the ticket the night before, but he'd sadly mislaid it. Eventually his bodyguard offered to pay for it, however (and this is a first to our knowledge) the inspector said there was no need. The operator noted that this was not official policy; "We welcome all former Prime Ministers on Heathrow Express, but we don't offer them special discounts." said a spokesman.

While on the subject of Heathrow, we commented recently on Naomi Campbell's latest outburst while at the nations favourite shopping mall and lost luggage office. It seems we were mistaken. We thought she was having an attack of the "VIP's" and coming over all hissy if her Gucci luggage wasn't being properly looked after. She's now cleared that one up; she was actually expressing outrage on behalf of all the unfortunate souls whose luggage was also lost at T5. "I was speaking for all those who were disrespected." Said the patron Saint of baggage handling victims.

How to Get Ahead

2008-04-21T21:41:00.002+01:00

Dreaming of joining the glamorous world of airline cabin staff but just a mite under size? Itching to swan down the first class aisle doling out champagne but a fraction off the right stature? Keen to see the world but a little on the petite side? Help is at hand (or, rather, at head). After being approached by a woman who was marginally too short to qualify for an airline's minimum height requirements to land her 'dream job' of becoming a flight attendant, a Spanish surgeon has had a moment of inspiration.

Dr Luis de la Cruz has hit upon the wheeze of, rather than invasive and debilitating leg extension surgery, and more permanent than wearing Sarko-style Cuban heels, to add an inch or two by performing a 'head implant'. Yup, under local anaesthetic he just slips a silicon implant under the scalp and, hey presto, you're taller. "The patient is very happy with the result and is now an air stewardess," he reports.

He's subsequently performed the operation on 17 people, adding up to 2 inches to their height, at a cost of about £4,000 a time. However, people with thin faces beware - he says you shouldn't go for it as you'll look odd. In contrast to the pack of Mekons he's already done it on, we're sure. So if the flight attendant serving your next meal looks a bit like she's fresh from a Tefal advert, you'll know why.

While on the subject of cabin crew, pity the poor member of BA's staff working a flight out of Heathrow's Terminal Five recently. It's all a big enough shambles without having our favourite savage celebrity Naomi Campbell throwing a five star wobbly when her bag wasn't loaded. The notoriously short tempered super model went so berserk that BA have banned her from their flights for life. Although on current form that's not much a punishment.

Model Passengers

2008-04-01T21:15:00.002+01:00

The old airline adage about 'bums on seats' has been taken to a new level by Exeter, UK based airline Flybe. Like all their peers they're keen to get as many seats on their flights filled as possible, however the pressures exerted by their deal with Norwich airport has led to some extraordinary tactics.

In order to fill the passenger quota required under the contract, and to avoid losing £280,000 if they failed, the airline took the unorthodox step of advertising in the local press for actors to come and take a flight between Norwich and Dublin to make up the numbers. The ruse may have back fired as the airport's managing director has questioned whether they will permit the payment having become aware of the question over whether some passengers are bona fide.

As well as looking for 'extras' for the flights, the airline kept staff on stand by ready to fill seats. Flybe has said it decided not to use actors after it placed the ad, however Suzanne Moore, a passenger boarding a Flybe aircraft at Norwich yesterday said she was a model and had been paid to fly. And we thought it was only Heathrow that people had to be paid to use.

Pick the Bones out of That

2008-03-27T14:32:00.002Z

A woman was stopped at Munich airport last week while en route from Brazil to Naples when the baggage handlers noted some unusual content in her luggage. Imagine the scanner operator's face, well accustomed to clothes, shoes, toiletries etc, when they found the image of a human skeleton coming up on the screen! The 62 year old lady explained that she was taking the remains of her brother to Italy in order to bury them in accordance with his wishes. He'd died 11 years previously and she'd only just got around to it.

Where he had been in the meantime is a mystery, however once it had been established that she wasn't actually breaking any German laws she was (or, they were) allowed to continue with the journey. What happened when she reached Naples is also unknown, but given Naples' problems with the illegal dumping of pollutants from all over Italy, the authorities may not have been that pleased to see what she was planning to deposit!

Sticky Situation

2008-03-16T07:18:00.003Z

This surely must be a first on all counts. Apparently a 21-year-old woman is suing American Airlines for not protecting her from a man a masterbating man on one of their flights. She wants $200,000 after she awoke to find "a substantial amount of an extremely sticky substance in her hair." The flight was from Dallas/Forth Worth to Los Angeles and she claims the airline should have seen the man go from his seat to the seat next to hers and remove him back to his original assigned seat. He was arrested when the plane landed while she was calmed by a fellow passenger.

Passengers Come First, errrr

2008-03-10T14:14:00.003Z

Those cuddly souls who are responsible for the glorious travel experience that is the London airport network have been meeting to consider how they might go on with their good work in the future.

No less than 10 reps from BAA, 5 from IATA and BAR-UK, 7 from various airport Operator Committees and the London Airports Consultative Committee (no I haven't heard of them before either) and 6 from BA, 4 from Virgin and 3 from BMI recently gathered under the auspices of the CAA's review into economic regulation for a spot of blue-sky thinking.

The business group London First observed that only one interest group was missing; passengers. Well, they've only got themselves to blame. As the CAA press officer noted "The review was open to everyone. We published the fact on our website."

Quite so. So if those pesky passengers couldn't be bothered to turn up then who cares what they think. And where was this invitation? Ah, yes, "In section 1.16, page 19 of consultation document Heathrow and Gatwick Airports CAA Price, published last November."

Cartoon that Says it All

2008-03-09T20:25:00.001Z

Matt in the Daily Telegraph as done it again...

How Massive is Massive? Very according to Ryanair...

2008-02-28T21:25:00.000Z

You have to hand it to Ryanair they certainly make a little go a very long way. Back in December they announced “massive expansion” at Edinburgh. In the words of Michael Winner, "Calm down dear." Ryanair's expansion is hardly that exciting. None of the routes are to operated daily, making them of limited use to business travellers. Starting in April the weekly frequencies are.

Alicante 4
Bremen 2
Frankfurt 3
Marseilles 2
Pisa 3

So it amounts, in total, to two extra flights a day from Edinburgh. All this is in addition to their flights from Edinburgh to Dublin (3 per day) and Shannon (4 per week).

Today we have Ryanair announcing “massive expansion” that will, according to Ryanair, indirectly create up to 1,200 jobs in Edinburgh and the east of Scotland. How so? Well they’ll employ another 100 people, jobs from other airport based companies will employ 100 people and the extra 1000 will be employed in tourism and hotel industries. They’ve announced the following services

Berlin 4 per week
Billund 3 x week
Bournemouth 13 x week
Bratislava 4 x week
Dusseldorf 2 x week
Krakow 3 x week
Lodz 2 x week
Malaga 4 week
Palma 3 x week
Poznan 3 x week
Stockholm 4 x wek
Wroclaw 2 x week

Before we all get over excited of the seventeen new Ryanair destinations nine are already served from Edinburgh

Alicante Easyjet & Flyglobespan
Billund – Cimber Air & Sun air
Frankfurt – Lufthansa
Krakow – Easyjet
Malaga – Flyglobespan
Palma – Air europa, First choice, Monarch, Mytravel, ThomsonFly, Easyjet & Flyglobespan
Pisa – Jet2com
Poznan – Centralwings
Stockholm – SAS

What’s all this going to achieve – not a lot. It’s very likely that on some of the routes there will be a bloodbath and one or another of the carriers will cease operating. It will not be, as the daft BAA spokesman said on the BBC, be great news for business travelers to Berlin and Stockholm. A four times a week service is next to useless.

Why the media and particularly the BBC pander to this tripe I’m not sure. It was the second item on the BBC Scotland TV News – they are guilty of being sold a dummy. And there’s a lot of water to go under the bridge before next September when the majority of these new Ryanair flights are scheduled to commence. I’d watch this space very closely…

All is Not Rosy With the Low Cost Carrier Flight Plan

2008-02-25T13:47:00.003Z

From tomorrow Ryanair have announced one of their famous 1p a flight seat sales - which includes taxes and charges. Although this means that there offering all in fares of £10 per flight to many of their destinations. Five million seats to be precise. Ryanair’s online booking system and call centre was closed for part of the weekend in order to comply with the Office of Fair Trading’s directive to include taxes and other charges in the headline price for flights.

Of course this has nothing to do with their load factor being squeezed downwards, which is the driver of profitability. In January it slipped below 70% to 69% - the first time this has happened in five years. Natural no one in the press seemed to pick this up as they were all too busy commenting on their saucy ads (that includes you! - Ed). This is not good news for the boys from over the water. I wonder if Michael O'Leary the charismatic Chief executive of Ryanair is still thinking of giving it all up in 2008?

Not that it's just Ryanair that are seeing load factors dip. easyJet's PLF dropped to 72% in January from 74.9% a year ago. Overall the passengers flying through the BAAs UK airports dropped by 2%, with traffic at Stansted off by over 9%.

It's not good.....

How Low Can You Go?

2008-02-25T07:30:00.002Z

A British pilot has been fired by Catahy Pacific for this low flying stunt during the delivery flight of this Boeing 777. Captain Ian Wilkinson apparently "astonished passengers" by taking et to within 28ft (8.5m) of the ground shortly after take-off from Boeing’s US manufacturing plant in Seattle according to reports. Check the dodgy video footage but it looks higher than 28ft to me..

The 322mph fly-by was cheered by onlookers, and the pilot, who is said to be one of the most senior pilots with the airline. Ray Middleton, his British co-pilot, who had been unaware that the fly-by was performed without official permission, was suspended from training duties for six months. Chris Pratt, the chairman of Cathay Pacific wasamong the VIP passengers who were on board the £100 million plane.

The Home Comforts of Gatwick Aiport

2008-02-21T16:36:00.002Z

Just when it seems that everybody is doing everything in their power to transit through airports as fast as possible, comes the news that a man has been living at Gatwick for four years. Anthony Delaney ate, showered and slept at the West Sussex airport; the 43 year old only left to collect his jobseeker's allowance.

He didn't have any mental health, drug or alcohol problems and was no bother, a Crown Court hearing in Lewes was told. He said that he'd lived there since 2004 because it was 'clean, dry and warm'. He was banned from the airport under by-laws, but breached the ban and was consequently given an ASBO banning him from the site. Which makes you wonder why they didn't just give the guy a broom instead?

Sleepy Night Nights....

2008-02-21T10:30:00.000Z

The FAA is investigating whether or not two pilots who flew past the airport in Hilo Hawaii by 15 miles last week did so because they were asleep. Go! Airlines flight 1002 left from Honolulu and was expected to land in Hilo around 10 a.m. (it’s only 214 miles, they must have been knackered), but had to turn around after flying past the airport. Air traffic controllers were unable to contact the plane for 25 minutes, despite being able to see it on radar.

DEltanorThwEST....

2008-02-19T19:57:00.002Z

If Delta and Northwest merge I wonder if they'll call the new carrier DETEST?

Is Big Best?

2008-02-17T11:19:00.002Z

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Northwest and Delta airlines might merge. Apparently representatives of the two sides reached an agreement regarding a “conceptual” outline, which might possibly combine the pilot ranks of the two companies. If the merger between the two companies takes place it would create the world’s largest airline, as both of the airlines would apparently employ as much as 79.000 people in their major hubs in Atlanta, Detroit and Minneapolis.

And they think this will make for a good and well run airline? It's got more to do with individuals getting their hands on bonuses and such as it has to do with creating a great airline.

From Russia With Love

2008-02-17T07:59:00.003Z

There's a Russian ex-military pilot who used to fly Tu-154, and recently became a captain on Boeing-737 flying for one of the low cost Russian airlines. He calls himself “letchik leha” - Pilot Alexiy. He has been taking spectacular pictures from the cockpit of his aircraft for the past three years. You can see more at his journal click HERE -- unfortunately it's in Russian but the photographs are brilliant....We think the other guy was doing the landing.

I Remember Nothing....

2008-02-17T07:55:00.000Z

A Canadian real estate agent who caused an American Airlines flight to be diverted because of his drunken and belligerent behaviour has struck a plea bargain with the courts after changing his plea to one of ‘guilty of interfering with the flight attendants’ (I didn’t know there was such a charge – Ed).
Russell Petrie, 30 has also been asked to reimburse American Airlines $7,757 for the cost of landing the Seattle-Miami flight in Denver. That on top of a possible jail sentence and fine.

The original charge of sexual assault was dropped , but it’s also alleged that he grabbed the buttocks of a female passenger on the flight. Petrie has been in custody since January 4, after boarding Flight 16 and loudly proclaiming, "Let's party and have some drinks." After ordering five vodka drinks and two glasses of wine the flight attendants stopped serving him.. Petrie allegedly made sexually suggestive remarks to female passengers, used profane language and loudly pounded on the airplane lavatory walls, forcing the pilot to divert to Denver.

Petrie used the ‘I remember nothing’ defense. He, "volunteered that he did not recall what happened on the flight ... [and] stated he drank too much and has a drinking problem." No kidding…

Text Perils

2008-02-15T12:46:00.002Z

Beware eager text-ers! The ever perillous predictive text function can come up with some unexpected constructions to catch the unwary out, and being arrested on suspicion of terrorism is a possible outcome for those sending SMS messages to friends or relations called Anna. Yes, the helpful souls who devise the function on your mobile phone, and presumeably rank the predictive function with the most likely word first, have decided that the default for 'Anna' should be 'bomb'. So a message meant to say 'Dropping Anna off at airport in 5 minutes then heading home' could be wildly misconstrued if it got intercepted!

Handlebar Misuse Leads to Wrong Turn

2008-02-15T12:41:00.003Z

Most airlines are pretty strict about the appearance of their crews, some such a Singapore Airlines have taken grooming and presentation among their cabin staff to extraordinary levels, but it seems that Indian Airlines also keep a close eye on standards. Disgruntled ex-employee Joynath Victor De is suing the airline in the supreme court alleging that his 'retirement' in 2001 was down to the fact that he sports a handlebar moustache.

Marshals: Some Thoughts

2008-02-13T12:23:00.002Z

The thorny question of using armed 'Sky Marshals' has been raised again with the news that they could soon be deployed on all transatlantic flights on US airlines. Although shrouded in secrecy it is thought that the undercover agents, who are there to prevent hijackers and terrorists seizing control of the aircraft, have been covertly operating on some flights for a number of years. The Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has recently said that the government is willing to consider a request from Washington to put them on all flights in a bid to increase security.

Speaking in Washington on Monday she said "Firstly, with respect to Air Marshals, there are a whole range of ways which, as you can understand, we don't talk about necessarily in public and in detail, where we're already able make sure on an intelligence-led basis that there is the security there should be around flights. That's something that should be, and is, an important part of our relationship and the discussions that we have on a daily basis." That's cleared that up, then.

The issue has been raised by a 10-page memorandum of understanding sent by the American security administration to all EU capitals which, if accepted, would see a large increase in the number of armed guards on planes. Although the UK has allowed them on some flights, other EU countries have refused point blank.

America may also stiffen security in other ways, such a requiring all incoming passengers to provide detailed information before purchasing a ticket. The Eu may follow suit. Today it is unveiling proposals for non-EU passengers to register their finger prints when entering the European Union. All of which, if adopted, probably boils down to yet more aggravation for travellers.

Grub Up!

2008-02-12T12:19:00.000Z

Feeling peckish? There's nothing like the experience of airline travel to make you feel hungry (sometimes through sheer boredom) and nothing like the sight and smell of much airline food to quickly extinguish your appetite. The logistical challenge of simply delivering 400 meals to tray tables throughout a 747, never mind heating them up in the first place, is pretty stiff.

Once they're in front of the passengers the food is struggling to impress not only with the ambience (plastic cutlery, tin pots and a neighbour's elbow in your nosh aren't usually high on a restaurant's list of desired attributes) but also with the fact that a person's ability to taste reduces by around 30% in the dry, air-conditioned, pressurised cabin. So the chef has to really ladle on the seasoning if their offering isn't to be flavourless.

The biggest in-flight catering company is Gate Gourmet which delivers, wait for it, 548,000 meals daily to 250 airlines in 25 countries (now you know why it all tastes the same whichever airline you fly!). That's 200 million meals a year. They tailor make the menu for each airline's requirements and produce food reflecting wide variety of cuisine traditions from British Airways to Thai Airways.

Despite the often patchy offerings, many airlines try hard to come up with good fare and some well known chefs have taken up the challenge of mile high catering. Aldo Zilli has worked with Thomsonfly, Michel Roux has advised BA, Peter Gordon (Providores) has helped Air New Zealand's menu, Gordon Ramsay has given advice to Singapore Airlines and Mark Hix (The Ivy) is on Virgin's catering panel. Hmmm, time for lunch...

Those Were The Days

2008-02-11T07:57:00.001Z

An Eye Opener

2008-02-11T07:53:00.001Z

Have you ever got on an early morning flight and been amazed just how many people ask for a drink, other than tea and coffee that is? The reasons why they do so are of course many and varied. There are those who just need a drink to get themselves through the whole experience – fear is a dreadful thing. I remember one early morning flight from Glasgow to London where a lady passenger was so fearful that she had taken a couple of Valium, and then once on board she set about the drink. Twenty minutes from landing she had fallen sound asleep and when the aircraft landed in London she was still out for the count and had to be carried off the plane. There are others for whom that early morning drink is the hair of the dog, and then there are those who have a drink problem. Last of all there are those who drink for the simplest of reasons; it’s free.

So nothing unusual on the 6.30am flight from Detroit to Fort Wayne, Indiana, when two men got on and one started drinking. It’s only a twenty-five minute flight but by the time they arrived he’d already become a little excitable. Some passengers disembarked, and more got on for the next leg to Indianapolis. Soon enough they were under way again and the man continued to drink. His behaviour went from rowdy to downright obnoxious, to such an extent that the flight attendant informed the captain.

Once they arrived at Indianapolis the captain decided his behaviour was unacceptable and ordered him off the flight. The drunken passenger argued that he needed to carry on to Atlanta, but the captain was having none of it. His, sober, companion appealed too, but the captain was unmoved and the inebriated man was taken off the flight.

Once they were in the air again and about 25 minutes into the hour and a half flight to Atlanta, the cockpit radio crackled into life. The conversation went like this:

“Captain, did you kick a passenger off your flight in Indianapolis?”
“Yes, he was drunk and disorderly.”
“Was he with someone?”
“Yes.”
“Are they still on the plane?”
“Yes.”
“That’s good. The man you ejected was sergeant XXX from the Detroit Police Dept and the man with him is the prisoner he’s escorting.”

The captain immediately asked the flight attendants to upgrade the prisoner to first class. Once they landed in Atlanta, he went back to see the man and thanked him for flying with the airline. The pilot then told him that some people had come to meet him off the flight. “You know?” asked the man. “Yes, we know.” Replied the captain.

The white-collar criminal was then returned to custody and continued with his extradition. It is not known how the sergeant’s return to the office went, or whether he has yet lived the episode down.

Ryanair (sort of) Make it up with Le President

2008-02-05T20:28:00.000Z

An update on the piece a few days ago reporting the unauthorised use of President Sarkozy and his then squeeze now spouse Carla Bruni. The newlyweds have have won a case against low-cost airline Ryanair for using their picture without consent.

But the court in Paris awarded Ms Bruni only 60,000 euros (US$89,000; £45,000) - a fraction of the 500,000 euros she had asked for. Mr Sarkozy was given the symbolic single euro he had claimed for himself.

Ms Bruni - a former model - said 500,000 euros would have been her normal professional fee for appearing in an advertisement. But the court put her loss of earnings at only 60,000 euros.

Ryanair had apologised before the case came to court for using the couple's image without their consent, insisting it meant no offence. "It was a humorous comment on a matter of great public interest," a Ryanair spokeswoman in Dublin said.

We have also heard that Ryanair has been quoted as saying that they're so grateful for the enormous amount of publicity that the whole thing has generated they're happy to donate a further £45,000 to a charity of Ms Bruni/Mme Sarkozy's choice. That's why we love 'em!

Beth Ditto on In-Flight Nerves

2008-02-05T12:15:00.000Z

Keeping up our rock and pop theme, the well known authority on flight phobia (or, at least, somewhat well known) Beth Ditto (lead singer of The Gossip, what do you mean 'never heard of her'?) has offered her tips on tackling fear of flying to The Guardian newspaper. So here you go...

Don't drink caffiene; if you're anxious the last thing you want is to "be jacked up, imagination running amok."

Build your own personal "psychological oasis" (it's true that some celebs live in one permanently). Imagine you're somewhere else, bury yourself in a trashy magazine (so that's what they're for) or plug into some music.

Try to sleep even if you need over the counter medication to achieve it, but stick to the recommended dose and keep hydrated.

In the event of turbulence, Beth recommends resorting to the Turbulent Plane Train game. This consists of doing the locomotion (it's easier to learn than your ABC) with your hands, progressively faster and faster. She insists that this looks "totally stupid" but works partly due to distraction and partly because after a while you don't know whether it's you or the plane that's moving.

Finally (and this is so rock'n'roll) "don't be afraid to look strange". If there's anything that calms you down - roseary beads, mantras, soft toys - use them. Which explains a lot.

So next time you see a woman in a trance wearing headphones saying 'no' to coffee, who is popping pills and water while thrashing her arms about so wildly that her collection of teddy bears is getting sprayed around the cabin, you'll know who she is.

I Predict A Riot

2008-02-03T21:53:00.000Z

An action group aiming to prevent the planned expansion of Stanstead airport count a major rock band among their supporters. The Kaiser Chiefs are among a number of musical acts who are anti a second runway and they will contribute to an album in support of the cause. The Stop Stanstead Expansion Group will doubtless benefit from the exposure ahead of the application for the new runway which is due to be made next month.

The Kaiser's drummer Nick Hodgson proclaimed his backing for the campaigners when the group collected a Brit award last year, so their support for the album is no surprise. The airport's owners, BAA, plan to expand the airport's passenger load from the current 25m annually to 35m if the application is successful.

The Kaisers aren't the scheme's only well known opponents; such diverse souls are Terry Waite and Zac Goldsmith are also against the plan.

America By Air

2008-02-03T11:09:00.000Z

America's National Air & Space Museum has launched a new online exhibit called America By Air. It celebrates a century of air travel. Check it out HERE

There's more poster art like this on the site. This one is just superb, great art in every way.

When is an Airline Not an Airline?

2008-02-02T12:05:00.001Z

According to the Indoneasian government when it only has one aircraft. Their Transportation Ministry is drafting a revision to a ministerial decree on airline services, that will require domestic airlines to own at least two planes "Initially the new regulation will apply only to new companies applying for permits, but after a year, it will also apply to all domestic airline companies," said Hemi Pamuraharjo, the domestic flights section-head at the Ministry. According to the singer Harry Nilsson.

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one.

How long before they start on those 'airlines' with two aircraft? I'd be looking for a new marketing slogan, Not the 'world's favourite airline' but the world' smallest airline'. We all know small is beautiful

No Longer a Man's World

2008-02-02T10:52:00.000Z

Things have come a long way since the first female airline pilot, Helen Richey (she flew for Central Airlines in 1934), was refused acceptance by the all-male pilots union which forced her to resign after just ten months. Today United Airlines has the most women pilots with 68 Captains, 401 First Officers and 44 Second Officers - that's 513 to save you counting :)

Perhaps somewhat surprising is the fact that Aer Lingus has the highest percentage of female pilots. Whatever would James brown have had to say?

Fat Chance No.2

2008-02-01T07:33:00.000Z

A Nevada resident was recently travelling on Delta Airlines when he was forced to endure an uncomfortable flight. He takes up the story. "I was on a Delta Air Lines flight from Philadelphia to Atlanta, and was one of the last people to board the aircraft. When I got to my seat, half of it was missing. Sitting next to me, in the middle seat, was an extremely large woman. So large that she not only took up her own seat, but half of mine. There was no way for her to put the armrest down. She said she hoped there was room for me. A flight attendant suggested that the only way to change my seat was to “find a cute boy or girl” and sit on their lap. Not only did I find this offensive, but also it was distressing.

One of the flight attendants came over and offered the large passenger next to me a seat belt extender. I tried to sit down, but ended up spending half of the flight on this woman’s lap and the other half spilling over into the aisle. I e-mailed Delta after the flight and asked for a refund. I bought one seat, and I didn’t even have half of one. Delta thanked me for the feedback but refused to do anything.I discreetly asked one of the flight attendants if I could buy a seat in first class, and was told that first class was full. I asked if the remainder of the plane was full, and they said that there were no empty seats.

Is this likely to become more common place? Well of course, yes. What is to be done about it? Nothing. Try charging people for more than one seat and we'll have Human rights being screamed from the roof tops. The fact is if God had meant fat people to be prevented from flying he would have made the doors smaller.

Russia No Longer to Be Virgin-less

2008-02-01T07:27:00.000Z

We've had Virgin Vodka so I suppose it was just a matter of time before we got Virgin Russia (the airline. According to the man who has a hand in more businesses than most. "There are 150m people here within a three-hour flight from Moscow, and a lot of potential to take business from the rail services."

Ryanair Ad It Again

2008-01-31T11:55:00.000Z

Following on from the contretemps with Sarko, our favourite cheeky publicists and soundbite creators have been at it again. Ryanair's saucy schoolgirl picture in an atisement this week has caused an almighty kerfuffle. The Advertising Standards Authority drew the line at the advert featuring a model in schoolgirl-style clothes and a headline "hottest back to school fares". They said the "irresponsible" image appeared to link teenage girls with sexually provocative behaviour.

The advert shows the model with a bare midriff in a short skirt, tie, shirt and knee-high socks in a classroom. Ryanair refused to withdraw the image, but ASA dismissed this as "PR bluster".

After an investigation, the watchdog ruled the advert breached the advertising code's rules on social responsibility and decency.

"It is remarkable that a picture of a fully-clothed model is now claimed to cause 'serious or widespread offence', when many of the UK's leading daily newspapers regularly run pictures of topless or partially-dressed females without causing any serious or widespread offence," said Peter Sherrard, head of communications for the airline.

"This isn't advertising regulation, it is simply censorship. This bunch of unelected self-appointed dimwits are clearly incapable of fairly and impartially ruling on advertising." He's clearly a chip off the old Ryanair block when it comes to punchy retorts!

British Caledonian Airways

2008-01-31T10:44:00.000Z

Nostalgia Corner.....

As Nature Intended

2008-01-30T18:23:00.000Z

What better way to break a bit of a quiet patch for airline-related nonsense and entertainment than with some naked Germans? Yes folks, at last the German nudist market is being properly serviced by an East German travel agency. Those wishing to cast off their garb in flight can now visit ossiurlaub.de to book a trip from Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom, leaving on July 5th at a cost of £370.

The new and innovative element of the holiday is the fact that the entire passenger list (we hope it's all of them and that nobody ventures aboard unawares) is intending to strip off for the duration of the flight. They'll have to be clothed until they're on the 'plane and dress again to disembark. The crew will keep their kit on for 'safety reasons'. The safety reasons have not been specified - the mind boggles at the potential for burns if the emergency slides get used!.

Mr. Enrico Hess, the head of the travel agent which is endeavouring to plug the gap in the market for naked flight noted that Naturism, or "free body culture" (FKK) as it is called in Germany, was banned by the Nazis but has boomed since the end of WWII. He went on to say "I don't want people to get the wrong idea. It's not that we're starting a a swinger club in mid-air or something like that. We're a perfectly normal holiday company." Absolutely.

Ryanair Upset Le President....

2008-01-28T21:28:00.000Z

....Mon Dieu, they've really gone and done it this time. Ryanair have used a photo of French President Nicolas Sarkozy and girlfriend Carla Bruni in an advertisement. Le President has asked his lawyer to take legal action against the airline. The advert, published on Monday in the French daily Le Parisien, showed the smiling couple with a speech bubble coming from le wife-elect saying: "With Ryanair, all my family can come to my wedding."

Apparently le French leader had requested the immediate removal of the ad - we're still trying to ascertain whether or not he's looking for a financial apology. A nice man at Ryanair has apparently apologised. "It was a humorous comment on a matter of great public interest in France. We apologize sincerely for any offense caused." I'm not sure it was of great public interest but can't he take a joke.

We're off to try and find a copy of the advert....

UPDATE

Found it, sort of....

We couldn't find the advert but we think this is the picture....

Here's the words from the speech bubble, all of you with photoshop can 'make your own.

"With Ryanair, all my family can come to my wedding."

Mayor Behaving Badly

2008-01-27T13:24:00.000Z

Silverjet, the transatlantic ‘business class only’ airline has apparently banned London Mayor Ken Livingstone from its flights. The airline's chief executive, Lawrence Hunt, claims the mayor, formerly known as Red, has "undermined" the London-based airline - which has invested £50m and created 300 jobs in the capital.

Last May, the Red Menace went to a conference on climate change in New York when his Silverjet flight from Luton was delayed for two hours when an air traffic control computer failed. When London's finest finally got to New York he said, "It was the worst flight of my life". Having been asked to explain the circumstances of his delay by Silverjet the mayor failed to do any such thing. Then just this week Livingstone tried to mend the broken fences by saying his remarks referred only to severe air turbulence above Newark going on to praise Silverjet for its "excellent" service.

Lawrence Hunt came back saying "To come up with this explanation nine months later just isn't good enough. I can't stop him booking with me but if I find he's on one of our flights, I'm going to cancel it." Now this may not be the smartest piece of marketing ever, it smacks of Gerald Ratner, in that passengers will have to check in advance to see if the Mayor has a booking on their flight.

The Carbon Wars

2008-01-27T08:42:00.000Z

According to the Times when people were asked what is worse for the environment - cars or aircraft? More people said aircraft. But they were wrong because in terms of CO2 emissions flights are less damaging than car journeys.

In the National Statistics omnibus survey, conducted in August 2006, 39 per cent of people thought that cars did more damage, while 35 per cent selected planes. When the same question was asked in August 2007 cars had gone doen to 34 per cent and planes had risen to 40 per cent.

Estimates from the Department for Transport for 2005 show that cars emitted 69.9 million tonnes of CO2 while domestic and international aviation emitted 37.5 million tonnes.

So given the disparity it shows what a great job the media in particular has done in pointing the finger at air travel. The fact is people find it easier to see air travel as the demon because somehow it takes the onus off of them. It;'s as though it suddenly becomes somebody else's fault.

Sex or Skill?

2008-01-26T09:08:00.001Z

“An airplane doesn't respond to sex - it only responds to skill.”

- Eighty-six Year old Betty Jane Williams a former flight attendant

Aircrew Get Up To Hijinx Shock!

2008-01-23T08:30:00.000Z

This just in....apparently the makers of a saucy (it's like the write up for a Carry On film -Ed) Thai soap opera about airline crews has been forced to apologize for offending real-life flight attendants, who had complained that the scenes of sexual hijinx have sullied their reputations. At first we thought they might have felt they were not saucy enough but far from it. The TV company that makes "The Air Hostess War," has said they are sorry if they had offended anyone, and would tame some of the show's racier elements. The show follows the sexual shenanigans of a dashing married pilot and features love triangles, fights in the plane aisles and trysts on stopovers in exotic locations.

Clearly the product of a twisted and exaggerated imagination

Oh Heady, Happy Days

2008-01-20T19:12:00.000Z

Photo courtesy of Maurice Wickstead's father

This picture was taken at Gatwick, probably in the late 1960s , just as I was starting out in what can loosely be described as my airline career. It's instead of a more meaningful or funny post as things seems to be a tad quiet on the airline front - other of course than the fantastic news of the BA Boeing 777 'landing' at Heathrow

Carry On Baggage

2008-01-17T12:18:00.000Z

In a farce worthy of the 70's comedy series of the same name, the Government has revised the rules relating to carry-on baggage. The one-bag limit has been lifted at some airports, but not all. 19 airports have satisfied the Department for Transport that they can cope with relaxed restrictions, including (believe it or not given that the baggage competence there is among the worst in the known world) Heathrow. However Gatwick is among the airports which have not been approved. Along the same cock-eyed lines north of the border Aberdeen and Inverness have relaxed the rules, but not Glasgow or Edinburgh. Same in the midlands - more than one bag is OK at Manchester but not at Leeds Bradford.

Just to really complicate matters airlines which operate from more than one airport will have to enforce different rules according to location, and some airlines are opting to have different rules again. For example Ryanair will keep its one bag limit at Stanstead. The situation is the result of pressure being put on the Government to ease regulations relating to hand baggage on the grounds of the security threat not being great enough to justify the inconvenience to passengers. Rather than wait for every airport to be ready to handle the extra security burden Ministers have elected to bring in the change piecemeal, hence the confusion. As ever, there is serious tension between the need for security and the demands of impatient passengers; commercial considerations usually win.

The travelling public just isn't prepared to put up with the hassle that goes with real security. About 20 years ago the FAA were reviewing flight security and asked the Israeli airport security service for some help. Remember, to fly El Al you need to check in your hold baggage 24 hours in advance so that it can go through a depressurisation chamber (to trigger any altitude detonated bombs) and when arriving for your flight will go through hours of checks including a rigorous search and interview process which often includes members of the same group being separately cross examined about what they had been doing in Israel. The Isaeli's said words to the effect of "Sure, we could make you terrorism proof, but your airlines and passengers would never stand for the inconvenience." How right they were.

Flybe Practically For Free

2008-01-15T22:19:00.000Z

Flybe are another of those low cost airlines that's looking for ever more creative ways to get you onboard....and all by spending very little. They've just introduced a new credit card - a Mastercard no less. The deal is simple, spend on your card just once and they'll give you a free flight to Europe. As they say this can be " anything from a pint of milk to your weekly shop." All you pay are the taxes and charges. I hope it's not like that offer of a few years ago when you bought a vacuum cleaner and got a free flight. The liabilities for the operator just kept on mounting and the whole thing collapsed like a pack of cards. Now admittedly there's always daft offers from carriers for just a £1 a seat plus taxes, but this one might turn round to bight them where it hurts.

A case of great load factors, shame about the profits.

easyJet or Easy Money?

2008-01-15T19:29:00.000Z

Would you believe it easyJet's share price is down. Just as we've been predicting for months here at Airline Confidential things are getting tricky. By the close their shares were trading at a shade over 450 pence, well down on the day; last spring they were up around 700 pence. It comes off the back of easyJet announcing their December results. Though passenger numbers increased by 9.9% on the back of new routes, there's been a sharp decline in their load factor (down over 2% points). Over extension some are saying and who are we to disagree. With consumer spending tightening things are only going to get worse. Four days ago easyjet announced their biggest ever sale. I would love to have been a fly on the wal in their forward planning meetings. There are likely to be some people in that company with a lot of egg on their face in nine months time.

Apparently stock market analysts remain cautiously optimistic for the prospects for budget carriers such as Ryanair and easyJet. Now if I was nursing a nett gain on my my Easyjet or Ryanair shares I think I'd take the money and run.

UPDATE
By the close on Friday easyJet are downto 433 p a share....

Not So Quiet Riot....

2008-01-14T07:36:00.000Z

A strike by airline staff does not normally lead to a riot but that's precisely what happened in Buenos Aires over the weekend after Aerolineas Argentinas babbage handlers and ticket desk staff demanded more money and refused to work. The passengers reportedly broke ticket counters and threw objects at the airline employees , after learning that their international flights were cancelled for the second day running.

The strike left several thousand passengers were stranded, including a woman who was scheduled to fly to Venezuela (can you imagine, all the way to Venezuela? - Ed)

Pilots Really Are Getting Younger

2008-01-14T07:29:00.000Z

It's true. Last October at the age of 19, Ed Gardner, who wasn't old enough to drive a bus, and in most countries he would have been too young to hire a car got his commercial pilots license. A day later he started work with Stansted-based charter firm, Titan Airways, flying a Boeing 737. In December Mr Gardner reached the ripe old age of twenty and is thought to be the youngest passenger pilot in the UK.

According to Titan Airways Fleet Manager "Is good getting youngsters into the company - we need some new blood." OK......

The Wonder of Air Travel

2008-01-13T13:54:00.000Z

US Domestic air travel, like many other areas of the world, sees a continuing growth in demand. Ever wondered why? It's partly because it's getting less expensive according to the Air Transport Association.

In 1978, the cost of U.S. airline travel was 8.49 cents per mile, by 2006, without adjusting for inflation, domestic U.S. airline travel costs had risen to 13 cents a mile, 1.5 times the 1978 rate.

By comparison, the Consumer Price Index rose 3.1 times in the same period. The price of a gallon of unleaded fuel increased by 3.9 times from 1978 to 2006; and the cost of a first-class US stamp increased 2.6 times.

It all adds up to the fact that fares have fallen by around half in real terms

Sex is Back in the Air Again.....

2008-01-12T21:01:00.000Z

According to the Sun sex is in the air again and to be fair they are only reporting what was said in court on Friday. Two travellers shocked air passengers with a live sex show on a 'packed jet' is how the Sun put it. The use of the word 'packed' is just so tabloid....

Apparently Olga Bezmelnitsyna was spotted pleasuring work colleague Sergei Gorlov during a flight from Brazil to London. They were sat in seats 55D and 55E if you must know and they 'stunned fellow passengers — including children — who alerted British Airways cabin crew'

They'd only met on the trip to Brizail and this was them on their way home. Alexis Hager, who was representing Ms. Bezmelnitsyna, said: "She does not normally drink and was unaware that it would have a bigger effect on her on a flight. She is very embarrassed by the whole incident and said it would never have happened if she had not been drinking." Mr. Gorlov’s lawyer Mandy Hargun added: "They had met for the first time during the trip to Brazil. On the flight both had been drinking — and from a kiss and a cuddle one thing led to another.”

One of the great lines - FROM A KISS AND A CUDDLE ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER.

They were fined 500 pounds each....

Jumbo Power Loss

2008-01-10T17:13:00.000Z

A near disaster was avoided thanks to the robust back up systems on the Boeing 747-400. On Monday of this week a fully loaded Qantas jumbo was approaching Bangkok on a flight from London to Sydney when it lost all electrical power due to water seeping into the generator. The lights flickered as power was lost before the crew switched to the aircraft's standby power supply system. It is designed to allow the aircraft land, but not keep it in the air indefinitely, so it's fortunate that the failure occurred close to an airport. It did its job perfectly and the plane landed normally.

The Australian Transport Safety Bureau's spokesman Julian Walsh noted that the incident is "highly unusual", and an engineer told the Aussie press that the situation was rather like pouring water into a music system (but potentially with rather more dramatic consequences than melting your favourite Rolf Harris CD).

All Change at Changi

2008-01-09T17:31:00.000Z

The gleaming new terminal at Singapore's Changi airport is unveiled today. Terminal 3 has cost a cool $617 million but comes with lots of nifty features. Our favourite is the revolutionary 'see through' design incorporating loads of glass and natural light (good so far) and allegedly allows passengers to find their way about without need for lots of signs. We predict lots of bloddy noses as people walk into glass walls while trying to make a bee-line for their target.

Also in the design is a 5 storey high 'green wall' covered in hanging plants and waterfalls. Think hanging gardens of Babylon for indoor plants. As is required n these days there will be over 100 shops including a Apple i-Store, a FIFA shop and a branch of lingerie specialist La Perla, plus refreshments from the Hard Rock Cafe and a Brewerkz microbrewery. Ideal if your pre-flight needs encompass buying an i-pod, some saucy pants and a pair of football boots followed by a burger and a load of beer. Not forgetting that the purpose of the operation is to help you get on or off a plane, there are 28 gates of which 8 can handle the new A380 Airbus double decker.

Further airport expansions expected this year - Beijing Terminal 3 in February and Heathrow Terminal 5 in March. Watch this space...

The Battle for the Atlantic

2008-01-07T10:53:00.000Z

The news that United Airlines are spending $165m on their business-class and first-class cabin refurbishment that will include 15in flat-screen televisions, lie-flat beds, and the capability to use iPods with the on-board entertainment system is going to bring about some deep thinking in the boardrooms of their rivals and none more so than Silverjet and EOS. While this upgrade has been a long time coming it will also mean that British Airways and Virgin Atlantic, who have long enjoyed a critical advantage over the American carriers' offerings for transatlantic premium passengers, will also have to look to their own products. The fact is the both UK airlines derive considerable profits from their transatlantic first and business class cabins and so it's bound to get bloody.

Bumper Year for Boeing

2008-01-06T22:21:00.000Z

Seattle-based aircraft manufacturer Boeing has announced its best year since the 9/11 attacks of 2001. The airline industry's revival has led to more orders for new aircraft and Boeing has delivered 441 aircraft in 2007 and taken orders for another 1,413. The 737 is still the biggest seller with 846 orders, followed by the new mid-size long-haul 787 Dreamliner, which is scheduled to begin flight testing in the spring, with 369 orders.

However, analysts still expect Airbus to come out slightly ahead in orders and deliverys when they announce their figures in a couple of weeks. By the end of November Airbus had recorded 410 deliveries and 1,204 orders.

Cooper Mystery Revived

2008-01-04T21:03:00.000Z

One of the longest running, and oddest, investigations in US criminal history has been revived by the FBI in the hope of solving the case. The strange events of 24th November 1971 aboard a Northwest Orient flight from Portland to Seattle when a passenger calling himself D.B.Cooper held the aircraft's occupants to ransom and succeeded in parachuting out of the plane with $200,000 in cash as a consequence are well documented...particularly well so on page 28 of Airline Confidential (but we would say that, wouldn't we?) and many other places

The FBI has just released for the first time pictures and information on its website (take look at www.fbi.gov). The renewed interest is the result of FBI Special Agent Larry Carr taking over the long outstanding case six months ago. He's a self confessed 'Cooper Buff' and reckons that the previous assumption that Cooper was a paratrooper is wrong. His theory is that the hijacker probably failed to even open his 'chute and modern technology could lead to his (presumeably pretty deep) grave.

Bad Day for bmi

2008-01-03T13:25:00.000Z

Not content with upsetting a member of parliament bmi have now upset the ex-wife of a British diplomat serving at the British Embassy in Moscow - they probably upset him a bit too. They 'lost' the couples son at Heathrow while he was connecting from a Moscow to London flight and then to one bound for Manchester. Heather Beal, from Wythenshawe, paid bmi a £130 fee to look after her 13-year-old son Nathan. bmi staff escorted Nathan from Terminal 3 to Terminal 1 at Heathrow, but then `forgot' about him - and he was left all alone in the airport. Apparently he only had Russian money with him and had no power on his mobile phone. His 'frantic' mother raised the alarm as she waited for him at Manchester. BMI staff finally tracked him down after he had been left alone for nearly five hours. A bmi spokesman said they are investigating.

LOTs of Pressure on Polish Carrier

2008-01-03T12:40:00.000Z

The Polish national carrier LOT is in danger of becoming a victim of the social revolution taking place in its home country. The enormous increase in Poles travelling abroad in recent years (thousands have taken foreign holidays and up to 2m now live and work outside Poland) has caused competition from budget airlines to cut into LOT's market. Both WizzAir and Ryanair operate from Poland with their customary low fares policy.

Such is the strain on LOT that the Polish government plans to sell its 68% interest in the operator later this year. This could take the form of an IPO or a sell off to another carrier. According the Zdzislaw Gawlik, deputy treasury minister, an IPO is "a foregone conclusion" in June or July.

It's Just not Fair

2008-01-03T11:50:00.000Z

According to MP Danny Alexander said it is a "disgraceful decision" to close the Inverness - Heathrow service by bmi - it's the only route to Heathrow from the Highland city. The airline has taken the decision because of insufficient passengers to make it viable. Now quite what the Liberal Democrat MP expects BMI to do I'm not sure. The service will cease on March 29. According to Mr Alexander, bmi had repaid the loyalty of its Inverness customer base with "a slap in the face".

The Liberal Democrat MP also claimed the suspension was a direct result of European Union transport ministers' unanimous backing for an "open skies" aviation deal with the US. Why? The fact is that 'open skies' policy for airline services throughout Europe makes it harder and harder to just keep flying more and more routes. The expansion planned at Edinburgh by Ryanair is likely to cause at least one other carrier to drop its service to the same cities that Ryanair is to serve. It could be that that carrier may well be Ryanair.

20o8 will be a very tricky year for the airline business. We're about to enter the rough end of the cycle of airline business

Heavy Bags and No Gain

2008-01-02T21:15:00.000Z

According to 'African Echo - The Voice of Africa', "British Airways passengers on the Accra – London route on Economy class can now carry 46 kilos of checked-in luggage instead of 23 kilos while those in Business class can carry up to 60kilos of checked-in luggage. The doubling of the baggage allowance on the route has been considered by the Airline’s authorities to streamline baggage allowance policy on some ‘dedicated’ African routes.

The Head of Africa and Europe Affairs of British Airways, Mr. Pat Gaffey acknowledged that Nigerian passengers on the Lagos – London route for many years enjoyed 60 kilos of baggage allowance and said “don’t ask me why, it has been a very old policy which I may not be able to explain, but the good news is that our Ghanaian passengers are now going to have their baggage allowance doubled on our flights to and from Accra.”

Well it all stems back to those good ol' days when British Caledonian Airways flew these routes. Such was the wealth of many of the Nigerian passengers in the 70s and 80s (oil money) that they would come to London and buy vast amounts of everything and anything. They would then turn up at the airport with trolleys laden down with TVs, Fridges and countless other articles of flotsam and jetsam to take home to Nigeria. Trying to extract excess baggage payments from them was like pulling teeth so it was felt to be easier simply to raise the baggage allowance and hope for the best.

An American Tale

2008-01-02T19:01:00.000Z

Not everyone it seems is so happy to be travelling in Arctic conditions. Two passengers who were stranded for more than eight hours aboard an American Airlines flight are suing the airline after their plane was diverted during a major storm over North Texas. They are accusing American of false imprisonment (are they barking mad? - Ed), fraud and negligence.

The two, Kate Hanni of California and Catherine Ray of Arkansas were on flights diverted from Dallas-Fort Worth Airport to Austin on December 30, 2006. After landing the passengers were kept on the plane for more than eight hours, apparently they were unable to leave despite overflowing toilets and little food or water.

Southern Exposure

2008-01-02T17:25:00.000Z

A while ago we reported on the perils faced by intrepid cabin crew members when arriving at chilly destinations; the frozen feet suffered by stewardesses in court shoes standing at the bottom of the air stairs at Fairbanks, Alaska for half an hour being a prime cause for complaint. But even that ain't cold compared with a runway carved out of the ice in Antarctica.

Admittedly the crew working the flight probably won't be required to too much meeting and greeting as it's not (yet) a commercial service, but the Australian government have just started regular flights using an Airbus A319 to take scientists to their remote Casey research facility 45 miles from the Antarctic circle.

Working for the past three summers crews have carved out the two and a half mile long Wilkins runway on the 500 metre thick ice. Summer runs from mid-November to mid-February and boasts an average temperature of -23C (-10F). The runway has been named after Sir Hubert Wilkins, the pioneer who made the first flight in Antarctica 79 years ago.

The Antarctic Airlink Project will make the 4 hour 20 minute flight weekly from Hobart with an average of 20-30 passengers and cargo, with no plans as yet to carry tourists. Let's hear it for the pilot who landed an Airbus on, literally, a sheet of ice for the first time last month.

You Couldn't Make It Up No.17

2008-01-02T10:53:00.000Z

The aptly named NatureAir has dubbed itself the 'world's first and only zero emissions airline'. According to them they've been carbon neutral since 2004 (most people hadn't even heard of carbon nutural back then!). In the past four years the Costa Rican airline has offset 20,000 tons of carbon dioxide by saving about 500 acres in the country's lush jungle by paying local landowners to preserve threatened portions of the jungle from deforestation.

One Way Flights with Plush Upholstery

2007-12-31T17:35:00.000Z

It doesn't get any plusher than the interior of the specially built rooms on board a prospective new entrant to the UK airline market. Their seats are something special too. But you really don't want to take a trip with them if you can avoid it...

The wonderfully named 'Asylum Airways' (feel like you might have already been on one of their flights?) is in discussion with the Government over providing air transport for deportees. The niche market is set to grow as regular airlines resist carrying difficult and sometimes violent passengers back to their home countries, and Austrian carrier Asylum is keen to capitalise.

Using aircraft adapted for the job of removing 'disruptive refugees' from the UK, they aim to provide a specialist service in concert with UK security companies. The on board facilities include padded cells and restraint harnesses fitted to the seats. Reports that they will accept ordinary travellers on a 'stand by' basis are unconfirmed, but given the behaviour of some fare-paying passengers the regular airlines may consider installing a padded cell or two...

BA Offering Upgrades?

2007-12-29T13:14:00.000Z

Shortly before Christmas British Airways was awarded 'World's Leading Airline, 2007' at the World Traveller Awards. According to Robert Boyle, BA's Commercial Director, at the ceremony in the Caribbean islands of Turks and Caicos. "As a British airline, we are honoured to have achieved this global accolade, and will continue to offer the upgraded service that people expect from us." Do people really expect an upgrade from British Airways?

Flying No More

2007-12-28T21:07:00.000Z

Over at the Cranky Flier there's a great piece about airlines that ceased rotating in 2007. Amongst those that closed their overhead lockers for that very last time are MAXjet who finaly ceased trading on Christmas Eve. The CF thinks there's something in this model of up market one class carrier. I'm not sure, in fact I'm certain it's a duff idea. Although with MAXjet going down it will help the two transatlantic airlines still offering a similar service. If you're going to do it at least make it first class and not business.

Iron Maiden's Very Own Piece of Heavy Metal

2007-12-24T09:53:00.000Z

Bruce Dickinson the leader singer with legendary rockers Iron Maiden is also a pilot with charter airline Astraeus, which is the reason that the airline has painted a Boeing 757-200 that will be used on the band's 2008 world tour. Their "Somewhere Back in TIme" tour will begin in Mumbai, India in February 2008, with North American gigs from mid-May to mid-June. Their very own piece of heavy metal weighs in at an impressive 116,000 kgs.

Back in the 1970s former United Airlines Boeing 720 named the Starship was used by Led Zeppelin, and The Rolling Stones amongst many others. The layout of the Starship is above, click on it to enlarge.

Vegetarian Only Airline

2007-12-21T08:03:00.000Z

Over at India's Business Standard I found this from Anjuli Bhargava

"Just last month, as I was driving my children to a magic show in Gurgaon, I came across, quite unintentionally, the corporate headquarters of MDLR Airlines. While I don't know very much about the airline, its headquarters, I must say, gave me the jitters.

Located on a small street connecting Gurgaon's main town bazaar with the never-to-be-ready NH8 expressway, it looks more like the office of a real estate agent than of an airline. I, for one, after looking at the headquarters, don't want to fly in an MDLR aircraft. Nor would I endorse anyone's decision to take an MDLR flight to anywhere."

MDLR are India's first vegetarian only airline

Virgin's Undervalued - Apparently....

2007-12-20T17:44:00.001Z

Apparently Virgin Atlantic crews are underpaid; so much so that they are planning to strike in the New Year. Their will in fact be two strikes of 48 hours each, starting at 0600 on Wednesday 9 January and from 0600 on Wednesday 16 January. Union members voted 71% in favour of taking the first industrial action in the airline's history, although the airline pointed out that only 31% of its total cabin crew workforce voted in favour of the action. This is one of those situations that they may come to regret. It's hardly an industry that is in the rudest of health. The outlook is not fantastic with rising fuel costs, albeit helped by a strong pound, but at the same time with a weak dollar UK bound travel is under threat.

The union balloted 3,100 workers of whom 2,102 voted, with 1,497 voting in favour of strike action. This will prove divisive and damaging all around

Muffin The Mule or It's That BA Humbug Time of Year

2007-12-20T16:07:00.000Z

Has the world gone mad? Apparently British Airways have suspended a steward for eating a discarded muffin. According to a fellow worker "The cabin crew member on a long-haul flight took a muffin destined for the bin." According to news reports BA are treating the incident as theft after he was reported at Heathrow airport on Monday. The man's colleagues are furious with the decision, branding the airline 'heavy handed' and accused them of acting like a 'police state'.

Update

Already requests are flooding in from around the globe asking what kind of muffin it was. After extensive research we think it maybe this kind of muffin.

The Indian Airline Name Game

2007-12-20T08:26:00.000Z

India's largest low fare airline, Deccan, will merge with Kingfisher Airlines to create the nation's biggest domestic airline. The airline formed by the merger will keep the name Kingfisher, the flagship beer brand of Mallya's UB Group and parent company of the airline, officials from the two carriers said after a four-hour meeting yesterday. I wonder if they considered Kingfisher in a Can Airways?

More is Less?

2007-12-19T10:58:00.000Z

In the interests of fairness it seems only right to bring you news of another US start-up carrier who is not yet enjoying the 'P' word. Skybus, the 'ultra-low fares' airline lost a little $16 million in the quarter that ended 30 September. Well you might be thinking, they are new and there's plenty of room for improvement. Not quite the case as their revenue for the same period was $22 million. Add to this the fact that their load factor was 79% and it's clear that they are in a bit of tight one. Given that some of their fares start at $10 it could be a case of the more people they carry the more money they lose.

Would You Buy A Used Aircraft From This Man?

2007-12-18T21:25:00.000Z

Talking of Ryanair. This is the man that runs it......

Cabin Glamour Girls Cause Senoras to Steam

2007-12-18T20:33:00.000Z

Nought out of ten for humour to The Institute for Women in Spain who which has said it will complain to Irish and EU authorities about the Ryanair charity calendar featuring scantily clad flight attendants. They claim the calendar, which shows such delights as 'Nicola from Stanstead' in a bikini bottom and strategic life jacket as Miss April, "represent the flight attendants as sexual objects."

Ryanair defended the calendar noting that the models all volunteered and the proceeds go towards the disabled children's charity Angels Quest. A spokesperson said "We are just defending women's rights to take their clothes off." More power to 'em!

oneworld or a Parallel Universe?

2007-12-18T11:49:00.001Z

This says everything about the daftness of awards and the propensity of the travel industry for a junket.

"oneworld is currently celebrating its fifth year as the world's ‘leading airline alliance’ after walking away with the title at the World’s Travel Awards last week held at the Caribbean's Turks and Caicos."

The Cost of Virginity

2007-12-18T11:35:00.000Z

According to Abby Lunardini, "You have incredibly high overhead costs when you start an airline." Which is why Virgin America has lost almost $35 million on their first three months f operation. Their operating revenue was $16.16 million and their costs were $51.16 million. Virgin America has just replaced it's CEO with David Cush, 47, a former American Airlines executive; Cush was senior vice president of global sales at AA. According to one airline analyst. "One reason you bring in a very disciplined and creative executive like Dave Cush is, I think, he understands the challenge of running an airline." Let's hope so.