On the Heathrow Express

The rich and famous do love to cause a bit of bother when they travel by air, and Cherie Blair, wife of ex-PM Tony, created a bit of mayhem at Heathrow a few years ago when she forgot her passport and despatched an official to nip back to No.10 and fetch it. Not to be outdone in the forgetfulness stakes, her husband was recently found to be travelling on the Heathrow Express without a valid ticket. Obviously still rather institutionalised from his time as Prime Minister, he discovered that not only did he not have a ticket, he also lacked any cash or cards to buy one with.

It emerged that an aide had given him the money for the ticket the night before, but he'd sadly mislaid it. Eventually his bodyguard offered to pay for it, however (and this is a first to our knowledge) the inspector said there was no need. The operator noted that this was not official policy; "We welcome all former Prime Ministers on Heathrow Express, but we don't offer them special discounts." said a spokesman.

While on the subject of Heathrow, we commented recently on Naomi Campbell's latest outburst while at the nations favourite shopping mall and lost luggage office. It seems we were mistaken. We thought she was having an attack of the "VIP's" and coming over all hissy if her Gucci luggage wasn't being properly looked after. She's now cleared that one up; she was actually expressing outrage on behalf of all the unfortunate souls whose luggage was also lost at T5. "I was speaking for all those who were disrespected." Said the patron Saint of baggage handling victims.