Top Gear presenter and generally outspoken bloke Jeremy Clarkson turned his acerbic wit on a hapless pilot a few years ago. We thought it was worth recording here for use as a template next time you find your flight delayed by the flight crew arriving late...
"I sincerely hope you have a penchant for Thai ladyboys and that your colleagues find out. It is my fervent wish that from now to the end of time your itches are unreachable. And that someone writes something obscene in weedkiller of your front lawn."
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